Same Old Love (GaWong)

Fourteen

Deanna's

I planned this whole Palawan trip for me to finally had the chance to forget her and move on from our past. Iyon ang orihinal na plano ko. Ang kalimutan siya kasi ang buong akala ko, hindi na pwede. But who would've thought that this Palawan trip was the reason why we're both back together.

We enjoyed the whole day. Swimming doon, swimming dito. Picture roon, picture rito. Bukod pa roon ay hindi kami nakalusot sa mga tanong ng mga ate's sa 'min. They're happy for us. Nalaman ko rin na plano pala talaga ni Jema na kausapin ako at makipagbalikan sa 'kin. At kasabwat niya pala roon sila Ate Bea at Ate Jho. Dapat ngayong araw ang sunod ni Jema rito para sorpresahin ako, but eventually, ako na mismo ang nag invite sakaniya.

Kanina rin ay nagkaroon si Jema ng online session with her Psychiatrist. Hinayaan ko lang siya noong mga oras na iyon. Oras niya iyon para sa sarili niya and for her peace. I also apologized for searching through her things. I just got intrigued earlier nang makita ko ang mga gamot. I knew there was something wrong when she told me that it was candy. Nag sorry rin siya dahil nag sinungaling pa siya sa 'kin dahil doon.

The day after tomorrow would be our flight back to Manila. I am extremely grateful to the people around me for being with me the whole trip. And of course, kay Jema, kung hindi rin dahil sakaniya ay hindi ko maiisipan na mag out of town. Bonus na rin doon na tinuloy namin ang naudlot naming pagmamahalan.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Malumanay na bulong ni Jema sa 'kin, dahilan para bumalik ako sa wisyo ko. "Ang lalim ng iniisip mo.."

I smiled and gave her a peck on her cheek. Pareho kami ngayong nakahiga sa iisang kama. Nakasandal ang ulo niya sa balikat ko habang ako naman ay naka akbay sakaniya habang hawak-hawak ang kaliwang kamay niya.

"I came here to move on," I want her to know my thoughts. Ayaw kong may itinatago ako sakaniya, gusto kong malaman niya iyong totoo. "Pero iba pala ang kalalabasan ng mga plano ko. Tsk," Natatawa ako habang umiiling-iling pa.

"Kung.. hindi ba ako umamin sa 'yo na mahal
pa rin kita, tuluyan mo na ba 'kong kalilimutan?"

Napaisip ako sa tanong niya. Hindi ko alam kung anong isasagot ko. Siguro kung wala siya rito ay tuluyan ko na siyang makakalimutan. Tuluyan ko nang tatanggapin na baka hindi na talaga kami pwede. I had one chance to choose to forget my love for her but that didn't happen. I took the risk to throw that chance away and be with her again. And that's probably one of the best decisions I've ever made.

"Deanna?" She called me once again. Mas hinigpitan ko ang hawak sa kamay niya bago tuluyan na sagutin ang tanong niya.

"Ayaw kong magsinungaling sa 'yo. I'm not saying this for you to feel bad, but rather to let you know that I would risk everything for you. Noong una kitang makita matapos tayong maghiwalay, I was so happy. I wasn't expecting to see you that day, because that day was a miserable day for me. Walang ibang tumatakbo sa isip ko noong mga oras na iyon kundi ikaw. The people around me would tell me that maybe it's time na kalimutan ka. That it's time for me to focus on myself because that's what they think I lost when we broke up. Ang sarili ko." I stopped talking and shut my eyes off. I was trying my best not to cry in front of her. It might ruin the moment.

"I lost a part of me when we broke up. I'm not blaming you, huh? No baby, I would never blame you." Hinalikan ko ang tuktok ng ulo niya bago muling nagsalita. "I was ready.. I was ready to give up everything. I was ready to focus on what's more important to me aside from you. But things turned out differently than I expected. You came into my life again, you risked everything, too. My heart is filled with happiness to be with you again."

Sinabi ko sakaniya lahat ng nararamdaman ko. Lahat ng nilalaman ng puso ko. Ngayong parte na ulit siya ng buhay ko, mas gusto kong iparamdam sakaniya kung gaano siya kahalaga sa 'kin. I want to take care of her. I want our relationship to work this time.

Hindi siya nagsalita matapos kong sabihin sakaniya ang lahat. Bigla akong nakaramdam ng takot. Baka mamaya ay iba ang naging dating sakaniya ng mga sinabi ko! It's true that I'm not blaming her because I would never do that. Dapat nga ay magpasalamat pa ako dahil mas naging malala ang pagmamahal ko sakaniya at iyong realization na dapat ko siyang mas pahalagahan.

"Hey, you're quiet. Anong iniisip mo? Mukhang malalim din, ah?" I tried to sound positive to lighten the atmosphere. She was probably just spacing out. Again.

"Nahihiya ako." Napakunot ang noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko siya maintindihan.

"W-what?"

"Nahihiya ako. Nahihiya ako sa 'yo at sa mga kaibigan mo." Hindi ako nagsalita at hinintay ang mga susunod na sasabihin niya pa. "Iniwan kita, Deanna.."

"That's all in the past now, baby." Ayaw kong mag-isip pa siya ng kung anu-ano. I don't want her to overthink things. Baka makasama pa iyon lalo sakaniya.

"That's not the point.." Ngumuso siya sa 'kin kaya napangiti ako. "Nahihiya ako dahil ang lakas ng loob kong makipag balikan sa 'yo.. eh, ako nga 'tong pinili kang iwan noon. Parang ang kapal naman ng mukha ko,"

Hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong mainis because she just assumed na makapal ang mukha niya dahil lang doon.

"I beg to disagree. Huwag mong pag-isipan ng ganiyan ang sarili mo," Inayos ko ang hibla ng buhok niya na nakaharang sa mukha niya. She hugged and smelled me after that made me smile.

"Hindi ko mapigilan, eh. Ayaw ko lang isipin nila na.. I took you for granted or I took advantage of your weakness. Ayaw ko ng ganoon,"

"We both know that you did not do that kind of thing. At saka, bakit ba iniisip mo kung anong sasabihin ng ibang tao sa 'yo? Tayong dalawa lang ang nasa relasyon na 'to, Jema. What matters the most is you and I, and the way on how we should work things out. And really? Do you really think na ganoon ang sasabihin ng mga kaibigan natin sa 'yo? They're our friends! They wish us happiness! They once thought na dapat na nating kalimutan ang isa't isa, pero alam kong nasabi lang nila iyon dahil sa sitwasyon." Kung kinakailangan ko siyang i-assure palagi ay gagawin ko. Alam kong kailangan niya ang bagay na iyon, and I want to make sure that I'd do it all the time.

"Thank you, love. I love you,"

"Mahal kita, Jema. Thank you for risking everything for me, for us. Thank you for being the brave woman that you are." I reached for her lips and gave her the kind of kiss that my woman deserves.

No amount of words or kisses could ever express how much I adore and love her. This girl deserves everything from me and from the world. We both suffered enough from the past and the best thing that we could do is to make everything better from now on. I think we've both grew as an individual and now all I hope is that we both can handle things properly this time.

Love is sweeter the second time around it is.