"Are you sure you're one of the girls? You seem like a spy to me. Are you spy, Arabella?" My name rolled of his tongue perfectly and I stood completely still as he took another step closer to me.
"You know, it's my job to eliminate spies."
"Eliminat...
^^Listen to: Ocean eyes~ Billie Eilish whilst reading this chapter.
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I'd locked myself away in my room for so long that I'd forgotten the day. Not that it mattered, anything rarely did anymore.
Killing Ivy broke me.
It wasn't because it was her, it was because I murdered someone with my own two hands. It was because I drove a sword through someone's chest and didn't think twice about it.
It was because my victim died in my arms. And that shattered everything.
Every step I had took to becoming somewhat normal, every single fear I overcame in this competition, every breath I took just get through life.
The last time I blamed myself for the death of someone, voices plagued me. They haunted my nightmares, my dreams, my life but now..there was nothing.
Only silence and darkness.
I wished the voices would come back. Just so I could wallow in self pity and loathe myself in the confinement of my own room.
Hardin had been the one to drag me away from Ivy's corpse. He was the one to hold me tight whilst I screamed and cried in his arms, it was him that offered a tether of light in the dark. And I pushed it away.
As soon as he carried me back to my room, that was it. I locked myself up, only ever allowing in Flo, who tried desperately to get me to speak but I always stayed silent.
Even Xander was kicked out. I refused to let him and whenever he stepped into my room, I screamed. And screamed and screamed, until he left.
Sometimes he didn't. He stayed, testing me almost, but I won every time. My lungs never failed me as I screamed until my voice went hoarse and after five minutes he left.
Hardin was the person I didn't want to see the most. I could never allow him to see me as this.
Broken.
I wanted him still but how could he marry a murderer? Someone who had their hands stained of another's blood?
Slowly, I peeled myself out of my bed and trudged into the bathroom. I sat down in the toilet, did my business and then washed my hands. The mirror above the sink was like my own personal hell.
And for some stupid reason. I looked up.
My hair hadn't been washed for days, my eyes were lined with dark circles and my skin had drained away of any colour.
I was a mess.
"Breakfast!" Flo sang in her usual chirpy voice. I had the door slam shut and tentatively walked back into my room.
She always tried to do this. Act like everything was normal, like the person she was serving was a cold hearted bitch.
I fell into the chair and picked up my spoon as I played around with the bowl of porridge sat in-front of me.
