Let me love you. ✔

25 Crash, Boom, Bang.

Nova

Pouring myself a bath with lavender to relax, I concluded that this is a shitty week so far.

Every day after work I locked myself up to lay on my bed, and stare at the ceiling. I didn't want to talk to Hannah because I don't even know what to do with myself.

I'm tired of my thoughts and doubts. So yesterday I decided that it's time. Time to go for it completely. Promise, Matt tonight that I will give him all I can give of me. No doubting him or my feelings. He is everything that I look for in a man. He is my haven and I want to be his.

And now he is not coming back.

The pit of my stomach squeezed, giving me an unpleasant feeling when I saw his name flashing across that tiny screen. The little voice in my mind going crazy hearing him say.

I'm not coming back today.

The problem with promises you didn't promise to someone, only making that promise in your mind is, that they are very easy to break.

So my mind only saw red after that sentence.

Red, I began to hate that color.

The red of Alita's hair, tickling the skin on his stomach.

The red of her evil lipstick smile, kissing his neck.

The red of her manicured sharp nails, digging in his perfect sculptured shoulders.

Only red.

I cut him off and disconnected the call afraid I would say something I can't take back.

He promised me that he sees Alita as a friend only. Nonetheless, the evil twin in my head took the upper hand regardless of his words.

Walking back to the office plan that little voice kept me company.

Very nice of her, no?

Is she the one with him right now?

No! He would not do that to me.

Is she the one that makes him feel wanted?

No... well, I guess not... okay, maybe?

Is she the one you can't be for him?

I don't know!

Is she the one he is canceling his flight for?

Just shut it, I can't take it anymore!

Praying for a minute of silence to get back into work mode. But nooooo, why would the gods have mercy on me if they could kick me when I'm already down.

I could smell his musty aftershave from a block away. Mister Carrick! He is a bloodhound, panting in our necks until we are finished. And how else would he know I was away from my work spot.

I made a complete fool of myself with my manager. His face was priceless when I think back to it. That moment I only saw black spots, I wasn't even afraid that my outburst would cost me my job. He let the proverbial bucket flow over and I threw out all the rage I felt inside me.

Boy, he was mad. I swear I felt his spit hit my face more than once when he tried to burst my eardrums, yelling like a mad man. I left his office with my first official warning ever.

Little old to become a rebel now, Nov.

I'm tired of staying awake the whole night with Matt on my mind. It's taking a toll on me to the point that I'm destroying everything important to me. My friendship with, Hannah. My job, that I like a lot better than the one at Vixens and I'm afraid Dallas will soon turn his back on me as well if I keep up this unhealthy behavior, snapping at him for no explainable reason at all.