Let me love you. ✔

I hate myself

Nova

I look bewildered at Hannah and grab the instructions out of her hands. I check it once, I check it twice, and a third time. I could check it a thousand times and still won't believe it.

Hannah crouches down before me and puts her hands on my shoulders. "Sweety, I can get you a new test if you want."

I shake my head no and different thoughts run through my mind. "Hannah, how am I supposed to do this? Why didn't they check this after my accident! I can't raise a kid on my own. Oh my God, I have to move back to my parent's house! Or should I ask my GP for an abortion?"

Hannah shakes my shoulders roughly. "Stop rambling! You're not getting an abortion, you hear me. We're going to schedule an appointment with your GP and from there we will see what's best."

"We?" I frown at her.

She sighs and sits next to me on the edge of the bathtub. "Yes we, I'm here for you."

I try to swallow the lump in my throat and hug her. "I'm scared, Hannah. I don't know what to do and I don't wanna go through this alone."

"You're not alone sweety. I'm here." Her fingers brush through my hair in a comforting way. The way a mother would do it.

Hannah is born to be a mother. I'm barely able to hold myself together, making bad decisions after bad decisions. They say you grow into it. That your mother instincts come to life the moment you hold your newborn in your arms. Let's pray that happens to me. Or maybe I really should consider the alternative option and don't become a mom at all. The thought of it alone brings tears to my eyes.

Okay, Nova. Let's take it easy and step by step. First, schedule an appointment and from that, you will decide the next step.

It's midweek and I wish the week was already over. Monday, I spent most of the day at the police station to show them the messages Dean send me and bring in evidence my father has on him. Today, I find myself in the waiting room of my GP and I still have to speak with Dallas about us being in a relationship, or actually, us not being in one.

I sigh loudly, why does it always seem like the universe is taunting you in situations like this. The room is filled with babies and pregnant women. Yes, the babies are cute and the women all seem to have that wonderful glow that I don't have. I look like death warmed over. Pale face, black rings under my eyes, and not happy to be here.

"Miss da Silva?"

Hannah nudges me in the shoulder when I don't react. "Sweety, she is calling you."

It feels like everyone is looking at me. I quickly walk into the examination room, past my doctor, and straight towards a chair.

"You'll have to excuse her, she isn't quite herself today," Hannah explains, shaking hands with her.

They both take a seat and all attention is on me. "With what can I help you?"

My cheeks heat up. "I think I'm pregnant."

She nods and encourages me to go on.

"I would like to know for sure and..." I fiddle with my hands, not able to look straight at her.

"And you want to know what your options are?" She says it straight to the point. "I'll give you information on both. Although, I think you need to take the time and read into it before making a decision. Or perhaps you already made up your mind?"

I don't think I have, or do I? This isn't the way I imagined it.

There's nothing wrong with being a single mom, Nova.