Let me love you. ✔

Do I believe and want to know

Matt

I'm utterly speechless. Eighteen weeks. I pull the sheet up with curious eyes to look at her stomach and she begins to laugh. "I'm not really showing, Matt. Wait..." She moves down and lays flat on her back. "Here, this." pointing at a little bump on her lower stomach. "is all."

I don't know, it's really hard to see. "You're not pulling my leg, are you? My stomach is more bloated than that when I need to take a dump."

She takes my hand and puts it on the little bump. "No, I'm not pulling your leg. This is normal growth and it's yours."

In thought, I rub my hand over her stomach. It's like she can read my mind when she says. "I understand it if you're having a hard time believing me, after Alita. That's why I didn't want to tell you over the phone."

I chew on the inside of my cheek and Nova sighs. She sits up straight and pulls the sheets back over her naked body. " We can schedule a telephonic appointment with my practitioner if the pictures aren't enough. And maybe you'll be able to come with me when I have another ultrasound at twenty-three weeks. We can find out the sex and you'll see with your own eyes that I'm not lying. That's only if you want, of course..."

There's hurt in her last words and I feel bad about it. Call it a feeling, call it the voice on your shoulder. There is something that prevents me from surrendering to the idea that I will become a father and it makes me unable to submit to the feeling of total happiness. Which I would like, Though. This should be a moment you want to shout and tell the world, but I can't.

I can tell Nova didn't expect this as my reaction either, staring straight ahead of her. "Babe, I'm sorry. It's that.."

She dismisses me and steps out of the bed, wrapping herself in one of the sheets. She doesn't look at me when she says she understands, but I can hear that her emotions are getting the best of her. She picks up her backpack and disappears into the bathroom.

I grunt loud when I hear the water run from the shower. This should be something you'll celebrate. Once again, Alita managed to destroy a special moment for us. I wonder how many times she will come back to hunt me.

Nova gives me a half-hearted smile when she comes out of the bathroom, fully dressed. "I think I'll go."

What? I jump out of bed and I can hear her swallow when I reach out to her. "Sweety, please don't be like this. I have to eat in the community dining room, but I'll bring something to eat for you when I come back."

"No, it's okay. You don't have to do that." She walks around me, puts her jacket on, and flings her backpack over her shoulder. "I think I'm going to do some sightseeing and I'll let you know when the telephonic appointment will take place."

She gives me a peck on the cheek. On the bloody cheek! And I'm rooted to the spot when she turns around and walks out without saying goodbye.

"Nova!" I call after her and catch her just before she closes the front door. "Are you coming back today?"

"I don't think so. There's no reason for me to stay here. You have your schedule and me... I think I need a moment for myself after your reaction."

She refuses for me to hug her and my stomach contracts painfully. "Sweety...."

Her knuckles turn white, gripping tight onto the straps of her backpack."I understand that you feel you need proof and I'm trying to give you that."

I watch her eyes get glassy and how she does her best not to break in front of me. "Matt, I know this has nothing to do with me but it hurts. I know that it's my fault. You have the right to be suspicious when your ex shows up out of the blue, asking for another chance and dropping a huge bomb by telling she's pregnant. So please, I understand you need what you need, but understand that I need time too."