Let me love you. ✔

Pass Please

Nova

"What do you say, Nova?"

He asked it if I have to choose between chocolate fudge or cookie dough ice cream. Like it's that simple. Do you want to try to or don't you want to try to make a child? Uhm, can I choose to pass on this question?

I'm glad he is driving. I can feel his stare, but he has to concentrate on the road too. Think, think, think. Staying quiet for too long isn't good either.

I'm freaking out right now. What if I say yes and were going to try to get pregnant. Will I regret it? Do I want to have kids now, or do I want to travel the world more? You can't do that with a baby right? Or can you. Is this the right time to start trying and aren't we doing this in the wrong order?

We aren't living together.
We aren't married.
We aren't together for that long, for that matter, if it even matters.

My head is about to burst. I don't want to know the consequences if I say: no, I don't want to try, not now. Will he leave me? He will be disappointed, that's for sure.

My eyes almost cross when I try to look if we are almost at his. I massage my temples, trying to reduce my headache. My body jerks when Matt lays his hand on my thigh.

"Baby." Good choice of word Matt, are you for real.

"Don't answer me now. I surprised you with it and I see your head going into overdrive." No shit, Sherlock. You would think, seeing me rub my temples like a maniac.

"Leave it for now. Promise me you think about it." He rubs my upper leg, squeezing it lightly and looking at me with his blue eyes.

Sure, I'll park it in the back of my mind. Won't think about it until you ask me again. That simple. Not.

I can see the hope in his eyes. I know he wants to be a father. He will be the best in the world, I know he'll be. The way he cares about his little niece is heartwarming and a promise how he will be with a child that's his own.

It's not fair to keep that from him. To take it away, even if it's for a few months until we live together. The doctor said it would take months to get pregnant. I would be moving in after Jaimy and Hannah's wedding. That's just a little over seven months. So, even if I would get pregnant right away, what would be highly unlikely. By the time the baby arrives, we are living together.

Omg, am I going to say yes?

I don't say a word, afraid he will crash the car until we arrive at his. Walking into his home I see the frown between his eyebrows increase and I know I have to say something when he pulls me into a crushing hug and says. "Don't be mad at me. Please. I know I can be straightforward. I'm scared I'm pushing you away with my bluntness."

He's breathing harshly with his face hidden in the crook of my neck. This position can't be comfortable for him. I'm a lot shorter and his back is bent in a weird way. I push him against his chest and when he straightens I take his hand and lead us into the kitchen.

I want to look him in the eye when I say this. Not only to see his reaction but also for him to see in mine that I mean it. I jump on the countertop and pull him between my legs.

Scratching the back of his head, I say. "I love you." His smile is weak when I wrap my arms around him to pull him in for a kiss. "I love you, so much," I say, again against his lips. His beautiful blue eyes lock with mine and I know I'm making the right decision when I say. "I want to try Matt. I want to be a family."

*

I'm jumping up and down in front of the kitchen window. I don't want to miss them!

"Girl, seriously calm down!" Dallas sits on the couch watching me through the door. He smiles wide at my behavior. I can't help it.