Let me love you. ✔

A Week With Nova

Matt

It saddens and makes me happy at the same time. Weird how feelings can contradict like that.

It's Sunday evening and the sad feeling is more on the surface, knowing that this is the last evening of her living here. I wish she would say, she is willing to stay.

But I'm aware that living here is hard for her. She misses her own space and Hannah. Nothing here is hers. That's a thing that could be easily fixed, but the distance from home to her work and back, can't.

On Thursday she gave me the finger when I told her to get that hot ass out of bed. Can you believe it! She gave me the finger.

I poured her a bath, while she refused to get out and murmured she would call in sick. I was tempted for a moment to give in to my selfish thoughts.

Sadly, I remembered we are adults and how hard it sometimes maybe, we have responsibilities. When the tub was full I picked her up and threw her in.

Yes, with pj's and all. She gulped, screamed, and cursed at me when her body touched the cold water. But hey! In my defense, it worked.

She screamed. "Godverdomme." I think it means something like, Goddammit. Her breathing was fast and jerky when she turned her gaze at me. Her eyes burned with anger when she hissed. "Idiota retrasado." I got the idiot part.

Her intense stare was short and she slowly started chuckling, erupting in a laughing fit.

I helped her out of the tub and made it up under a hot shower. I washed her hair, sitting on the stone bench, with the warm water cascading over her back, and massaged her with Rituals Dao shower oil.

She let her head rest against the nature tiles, looking relaxed and tired at the same time.

I shouldn't keep her awake every night. Sunday's experiment was intense and I think I drained her more than I intended. Monday, I forced her to play video games with me. Tuesday, again, I couldn't keep my hands off her, and Wednesday on Thursday we barely had four hours of sleep because I kept on talking.

I know it's selfish, but I want to spend every minute awake this week. Suck in her presence, her scent, the way she tastes. The faint sound of her bare feet walking over the hardwood floor. Her sitting on the kitchen counter when I cook.

In the evenings we walked on the beach and watched the stars. I love her giddy side when I do nothing special at all and she blushes like a ripe tomato.

The way she seems to want to vanish in me when we sit on the couch. It could feel suffocating, how she snuggles so close that we almost are one person. But it doesn't, it's the opposite. It feels like part of me is missing when she is not by my side.

Her idea to ask each other five questions every night turned out to be a lot of fun. Well after she told me about her sister Luna, it became fun.

It amazes me how strong she is. She had a hard time moving to America. Leaving the city to trade it for the countryside. Too young to rebel, too old not to understand the consequences of moving.

And the last eleven years her world got turned upside down more than once. Being there when her sister died. The guilt she feels toward her parents. Because, just maybe, when Luna hadn't picked her up from practice, she would still be alive and they wouldn't have to go through this never-ending heartbreak.

The guilt she feels about lying to them when Dean forced her. The guilt that she moved here, to get away from him and leave them with yet another heartbreak of a child that is gone.

That feeling I know all too well. Not being able to be there in a snap of the finger when something is wrong with them. But I also know that my family supports me and that they are proud of me for chasing my dreams. I can't imagine that they hold a grudge against her for moving here and finding the peace she needs.