Things I Can't (Larry Stylinson)

Last Show

Dear Diary,

Today the tour ended. These days are always emotional. We never want it to end: the cheers, the stage, the moments on stage. Just everything.

It's a job I never want to end. I want to do it till I need a wheelchair. Even then I'd still want to perform.

Here's to this tour ending and the future ones.

Like I said, these days are always emotional. Another year with the boys and another year with the fans. They're growing up with us and we're always afraid they won't be there anymore. But they always are.

It never ceases to amaze us. And that's what I focus on during the last show. The fans.

Their support is amazing and it never fails to amaze me. You'd think we'd get use to it but we never do. At least I don't. It's amazing, the power they posses.

Aside from their support, I always remember the stuff that has happened during tour. It's like reminiscing.

For the third time, it's an emotional night. During Moments, I shed a few small tears. It's hard not too.

Everything that had happened in the span of a few months has been massive. From awards, to a new album, new rules, new shows, and everything else. There's so much stuff to reminisce.

There's also the bad memories. The church, the tweet, the new beard, and management in general. Tears for these also mixed in with the good ones.

Louis' voice cracked in his solo, and I knew the pain he was feeling. Some of these moments that we were making with management weren't ones we wanted.

After the show, we all had tweeted about how great the tour was. We all went out to eat for a celebration. We had a restaurant rented out for the night so we wouldn't get disturbed. Everyone was invited from the crew, family, and friends.

It was a fun night. Zayn djed which was interesting and Liam tried too as well. Niall stayed by the bar mostly and so did I. I didn't drink as much as he did however.

Niall's a drinker so it wasn't long until he was hammered. Louis was hanging out with his family, eating. I had a drink in my hand and entertained myself with watching Niall and eating fries.

Have you seen Niall dance drunk? Now, that's a sight to see.

Louis finally broke free and sat by me with a beer in his hand. We were silent at first but Louis finally spoke.

He told me he had been thinking recently about his birthday, Christmas, and the new year. He told me there was a party at his house for his birthday, Christmas Eve.

He told me he didn't care about the paps catching him at my house or the fans. It was his birthday and he wanted me there.

What could I say, I was ecstatic and told him I'd be there. He smiled big and invited me to the dance floor with him.

Now, seeing me dance sober is even a better sight to see than Niall dancing drunk.

Towards the end of the night Louis and I were approached by management. The party was wrapping up and people were leaving. Paps were outside at the front. They told Louis they wanted him to leave with Eleanor out the front.

Louis was silent for awhile, just starring off into space. Management called out his name a few times but he didn't respond. He only came back out of his gaze when I touched his hand lightly.

He blinked back into reality and looked to me and then to management. All he did was nod to them and they walked off.

Louis stood there for a few and a silence hung in between us. When he finally turned to look at me he told me words I'd never forget, "Next year, Harry. That's it."

Then he walked off.

Those words are still ringing in my ears. They were so vague I have no idea what they could mean.

There were too many possibilities but one stood out to me. It was us. Our status. Our everything. What did he have planned?

After that weird answer, I got myself a shot of vodka to shake my mind from that weird scene. In doing so, management came up to me to inform me that I was going to be in LA up until Christmas Day.

I told them about Louis' party and they said I needed to do my PR. I looked over to Louis to see him leaving and my heart sunk a little bit. Whatever he meant by that phrase, it better be good.

That's why I was sitting here, jotting down my thoughts before I decide to tear into this bottle of whiskey. I want to remember this but I also want to cheer to us and the moments we had.

To the good and bad.

And to cheer to the new year's moments. Hopefully, they were all good.

Things I Can't:
#21- Make my own holiday plans

Love,
H. xx