Things I Can't (Larry Stylinson)

Moments

Dear Diary,

Staying away from Louis on stage kills me.

I see the pained look in his eyes when we make eye contact every so often. I feel the pain in my heart when I have to ignore him.

He's noticed something was wrong and confronted me one day after a concert. Being close to tears, I just shook my head and walked away. Nothing broke my heart more than that.

Sure, the fans noticed we were distant but they didn't care that much. Giving them something to chat about, I started to goof off with Niall more.

Louis was confused and tried to ask me what was wrong but I never answered. I didn't know what to say because I was scared I'd break down in front of him. In the end, I didn't want him to worry about it.

All I had to hang on for now were the memories and moments I had with Louis. Looking back at certain times it made me happy. It brought my smile back every once in awhile. Of course, off stage I still engaged with Louis like nothing was wrong.

This did nothing but raise his suspicions more. He even asked me one night, "Did management do something?"

I didn't answer.

To he honest, I wasn't sure if that was the right way to approach his question. He would probably go and demand answers from them. Not like they would provide him with any.

The next time I saw him confirmed such thoughts. He didn't look happy and didn't talk to anyone, including me. I'll give him his space though.

Going back to thinking of memories together, I would always think about the X Factor. Those days were the best. Louis and I were so free then.

To busy myself on stage since I couldn't interact with Louis, I would think of the memories. Not to say I didn't engage with fans, I did. Only at certain times and songs would I think of the memories.

One of the songs I usually did it during was Moments. I've done it many times, which why it surprised me when I started to gather tears in my eyes last night.

I tried to blink them away during my solo but I was on the big screen and the song fit right and my emotions were high. It didn't help that Louis hadn't talked to me and I was iffy about how he was feeling after his confrontation with management.

When I knew I was off the big screen, I wiped my eyes with the collar of my shirt. I looked up and saw the boys looking at me, worried looks on their faces.

I looked down and got ready to sing the chorus. The boys all looked away but Louis' eyes lingered on me for awhile longer. I felt them burning holes in the side of head, and it didn't help my state anymore.

After the concert Louis had gone right up to me. He grabbed my shoulders and made me look him in the eyes. He didn't have to say anything; his eyes said it all.

He knew the pain I was going through.

He gave a simple nod and headed off, knowing I wanted to be alone. I had smiled a bit, loving the fact that he knew what I wanted without me having to say so.

I was glad I had someone like him that understood me so well. It made the pain more bearable.

Things I Can't:
#13- Stand not interacting with Louis on stage

Love,
H. xx