Things I Can't (Larry Stylinson)

Twitcam

Dear Diary,

Today was...indescribable.

No words can fit exactly how I feel, but I will try my best to tell you exactly how it felt.

It was amazing, to be blunt. This day I will never forget, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Heck, it might even be my next tattoo, the date. I can put it under the tattoo on my arm 'Things I Can'. It'll be the first tattoo I have on that arm.

Before I get off topic and just rant on about my emotions, let me tell you the story too. This way you can feel my emotions along with what happened.

I feel like that is the only way I can write exactly how I felt.

Here goes nothing.

As I made my way to Louis' house for the Twitcam, I couldn't resist going on twitter to see what the fans were up to. They were freaking out over the announcement like I had expected.

I had texted Louis: 'Fans are anxious!'

His only response was: 'can you blame them?'

I couldn't, I was anxious as well. How was he gonna tell him? Was he gonna hint at it or be blunt like usual?

I didn't know which way I wanted it either. Both had their pros and cons.

I finally reached his house to see he was already on the Twitcam playing Fifa with the fans. He didn't acknowledge that I came in which I'm guessing he did on purpose.

I sat at the couch with him, but sat out of the camera's view which was focused half on him and the TV. He was talking to the fans about another charity match coming up.

It was the first I've heard of it as well. He said it was in the next few months and that there would be contests to fly in fans from all over the world to watch. He wanted it to be successful and fill the stadium with fans.

He also said the teams would consist of his friends, us boys, and our friends too. It wouldn't be pro vs pro.

That made me feel good, even though I had no idea this was set up. It set a happy mood before he dropped the real news.

He signed off the game and turned the camera to face him completely. I felt the room temperature drop and the anxiety hanging in the air.

I felt my heart beat quicken up and my palms get sweaty. I was nervous for him. Excuse the language, but shit was about to get real.

He coughed and I saw the comments on my timeline show that they had noticed the change in mood.

Louis looked really nervous, I had never seen him like this. He was always bursting with confidence. This was such a difference than what I've seen before.

He had always been solid when it came to hate, lectures from management, or even bickering from the paparazzi. However, now he was nervous.

That's when I realized it. He couldn't care less what people thought of him if it were hate because he didn't care for their opinions. He didn't care for management's either as it always opposed his. The only paparazzi he cared for were the nice ones, which very few existed.

The reason he was so nervous about revealing the big news was because it was to his fans, the ones who were always there for him; including when those named before attacked him. He had their backs and they had his. They had a mutual respect for one another.

Revealing a big a part of yourself to not only the fans but the others as well was now taking its toll on him. If the fans didn't back him against the others like they had with other things, he'd be standing alone.

I made sure his hand wasn't in the camera view and grabbed it, squeezing it. He looked at me and I just smiled.

The fear in his eyes was something that made me shiver. If someone I knew who was so strong could be so scared, how would I handle it?

Not alone.

I knew that. I had the fans because I trusted them and knew they'd stick by us no matter what. I had to make sure Louis knew he had the fans behind him. I also had to make him know I would always be by his side as well.

His eyes shifted from fearful to confident, just like I had always known them. He got the message and he knew.

He smiled back at me with a small smile and turned back to camera. A small glance at my timeline showed the fans were freaking out and asking who he was staring at.

He smiled big towards the computer and said, "Alright, it's time for the real announcement. Although what I said about the game was true, the real reason I set this up was for something entirely different."

Our fingers were still laced together and his gaze drifted towards them. He licked his lips watching them and continued, "I've got big news to tell you and I just need to know you guys will have my back no matter what."

He made eye contact with me for a quick second before looking back to the screen. He said, "You guys have always been there for me and I cannot thank you's enough."

He breathed out a shaky breath and his grip on my hand tightened. He looked down added, "I just need to know you'll still support the boys and I after I tell you. I need your support more than ever."

His voice cracked and it made my heart shatter. It was true, this moment was a make it or break it. It was a chance to prove all of management's theories of them not supporting us wrong. I squeezed his hand and checked my timeline.

It made me want to cry right then and there. Support was all over my timeline, not one tweet was negative. They didn't even know what was gonna be revealed but they were already trying to trend #WeWillAlwaysSupportYouLouis.

I showed him and he smiled, tears barely visible in his eyes. He shut them and took a deep breath. He opened them and looked to the camera and said, "With me, I have a special guest."

He grabbed the computer and my heart missed a beat or two. Here it is. I checked my timeline and they were freaking out and still showing support.

It rotated until we both were on the screen. I smiled at the screen and then we both looked at each other. We both smiled.

Louis squeezed my hand and we looked back to the screen. He was grinning, bigger than I had ever seen before.

He began his reveal, "I...we actually, have been holding something back from you all for the past five years. It's been tough but I like to think it helped us grow stronger. We've managed to stick through it and we decided it's finally time to come out with it."

My heart was beating faster and I could already see the comments on the Twitcam exploding, I could only imagine what twitter itself was like.

He looked to me and mouthed, "Ready?"

I nodded, even though I had no idea how was gonna reveal it. He squeezed my hand and looked to the camera. He said, "It's not bullshit, it's real."

Then he lifted our clasped hands to the screen for everyone to see. He grinned big and looked to me.

My heart was beating faster than ever but I felt good, relieved even. It was done. Now it was up to the fans and the rest of the world.

We looked back to the computer, hearts racing, palms sweaty, and nerves building.

Twitter had exploded.

Things I Can't:
#28- Believe we're finally free

Love,
H. xx