Things I Can't (Larry Stylinson)

Westboro Baptist Church

Dear Diary,

Today was... Eventful.

We're getting toward the end of the tour, only a few more stops remaining. The new year is coming soon and so is Christmas.

Today we had a gig in Kansas. To say it was a unforgettable experience is an understatement.

Besides our fans, we had some other company. They called themselves the Westboro Baptist Church.

Basically, they hate everything to sum it up. It ranges from gays (they call us fags) to freedoms. In the end, if you look at all they hate, it's basically everything.

Seeing that company outside not only hurt because it was directed at Lou and I, but I knew it had made our fans mad. They had waited all year, more or less, for this concert. They didn't pay for an extra show outside who wanted to protest the one they paid and waited for.

Of course, I didn't let them interrupt how I acted on stage. I gave all I had and then some. They deserved it and I needed to get my anger out some how. The best way to shut people down is too prove them wrong by showing it doesn't effect you.

So that's exactly what I did.

I dared to interact with Louis on stage that night but didn't go too far to have management worried. I did my lyrics changes and made eye contact with him throughout the night.

I could feel his vibes before the show and knew he had seen the church. That was also half my reasoning to breaking the rules a bit. Louis deserves to be happy and seeing him sad makes me sad in return.

No one deserves to feel down from a group like that.

He smiled and laughed back on the stage and it was wonderful. I had missed it. I could tell he did too by the sad smile he gave me when we were off stage.

I had never felt so energized before and I knew twitter would be a mess with the church. Hopefully, this wouldn't blow up in my face tomorrow if they see the change on stage.

Lets just hope they catch it but don't blow it up to where I get caught.

Since I felt pretty free and high on a pedal stool after that, I decided to get back at the church. I had tweeted, "Despite the company outside, I believe in equal rights for everyone. I think God loves all. Thanks coming to the show though."

Pretty classy and smart move? I thought that tweet was perfect. Nothing offensive.

The fans loved it and praised me for it. I gladly accepted it as I was set high for the night. The fans had defended us just as we had for them.

Even if I felt the high of the aftermath and standing up to them, I did still felt a stinging in my heart. That was a realization of what was really out in the world. Not everyone would be supportive of Lou and I if we ever went public.

And that's what I fear.

I know support overrides hate, but hate always stands out because you just can't begin to understand why. Why do they hate me? Us? What have we done?

It's like hate on the band. Not everyone enjoys our music and we know that. Not everyone likes us and understand that too. So, why was it so hard for me to accept the fact some people wouldn't support Louis and I?

I don't know the answer. Half of me thinks everyone should support us as we're just people who found love in one another and the other half believes that people should have their own beliefs and opinions without being judged.

But that would contradict the idea if they judged us, wouldn't it?

Confusing right? That's why I try not to focus on the bad aspect/outcome of things.

Focusing on the good things is a lot easier and happier. Sure, there's always that hate lurking in the back but if you have a lot of happiness, it can flush that hate out.

And that's what I was going to do.

Things I Can't:
#20- Believe people wouldn't support us

Love,
H. xx