Dreadful Desire

Chapter 73

Safeguarding myself since our last encounter, a visit to the doctor is on the books as constant nausea and projectile vomiting have commenced. My living room has been my safe haven from the harrowing world where I currently reside.

Sleep evades me, relentless recollections of this weekend on a nonstop loop of heinous torture. Attempting to drown my sorrows in the depths of a Bacardi bottle, alcohol has been the option of choice but has become an impossibility as it revisits me at ever turn causing abdominal pain with it's constant heaving.

Pondering with persistence ... how could he fathom this an option? What thought process had undergone to arrive at a solution as ludicrous as this weekends events? Causing such pain in a feeble attempt to persuade me to vocalize words I would never utter in those circumstances.

What was his rationale behind his actions? Why wasn't patience a virtue, allowing me to accept my emotions on my own terms, when I was properly equipped to do so? Why did he linger on letters and syllables? He said he has .. had feelings for me ... why wouldn't that suffice for now?

"See this is why we don't do feelings. You're a fucking mess now. Forget about him and get yourself back out there. Fuck & walk just like you used to."

Natalia urges my expeditious recovery in the worst way possible, "The best way to get over one man is to get under another."

It's inconceivable at this point, he's crept beneath my seven layers of flesh, etching himself in my DNA. It won't be that rudimental, will it? Perhaps ...

BANG, BANG, BANG! "CHLO OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR RIGHT NOW BEFORE I MAKE YOUR LANDLORD KICK YOU THE FUCK OUT!"

Shelly's voice impedes my train of thought. What the hell is she doing here? Rising from the couch, I stammer on the path to allowing her entrance.

"CHLO,"

Cognizant she is not for idle threats, the door flies open. Pushing passed me stomping her way into the kitchen, "What the fuck Chloe? Why the fuck did you do it?"

Confusion riddles my mind, "Do what?"

"The orgy on Sunday! Jade told me Everything! How you called her. How you met up with her and told her how you wanted to hurt him. How she got two friends from her job to pose as if they fucked you just to fuck with Axles head!"

Feeling betrayed, I retort with a snare on my face, "She had no right!"

"Like hell she didn't! She's worried about you. Even she knows that your fucking bat shit crazy for doing what you did!"

Stalking up to her, my pointer finger rages in her face, "None of this is your business Shell. It's my relationship, not yours! I'll fuck it up all I want."

Smacking my finger away, "No Chlo, it IS my business when I see that my best friend is throwing away the best thing that ever happened to her because she's too chicken shit to admit her fucking feelings."

She grasps me by the shoulders staring into the windows to my soul, "I would normally stay out of this and I have, until now. You're too fucking stubborn for your own damn good. What you did was wrong Chlo."

Tugging out of her embrace, "What!? You're taking his side now?!"

Rolling her eyes, she huffed out, "No. I'm your best friend. What kind of best friend would I be if I only agreed with you? Someone has to tell you when you're wrong, when you're too stubborn to admit it to yourself.  I'm on your side. I'm always on your side. Which is why I know that you only did this, not only because he hurt you, but because you're so damn afraid to admit you love him. You think once you admit it, it will all change. But the truth is this right here, what you're doing. This is what guarantees this relationship will end."