for the one i love ; fred weasley

chapter 42

tw: references of self-harm

warning: mature content, 18+, will be marked with *

NARRATOR'S POV

"Are you alright?" Asks Carina, voice quiet, hands shaking slightly. Harry looks up at her, pushing his glasses further up his nose as a reflex before nodding his head vigorously, clearly overcompensating for how horrible he's feeling. "H..." Carina reaches her right hand towards Harry, but he instinctively moves away, clutching his robe tightly.

"Are you?" Retorts the younger Gryffindor, swallowing down the knot in his throat. Neither of them are okay with what's just happened. And how could they be, when they've just been forced to cut themselves for Umbridge's pleasure? Carina's mouth feels dry as she shakes her head, her left hand still burning with the sensation of a scalpel against it. "We can't tell anyone, can we?" Comes Harry's voice, though Carina can't hear it quite as well with how the anxiety grows against her chest.

The green eyed girl shakes her head again, trying to take as many deep breaths as possible, sighing profoundly. "Not any adults at least," mumbles Carina, resting her back against the wall right after they turn the corner, steadying herself. "My parents would just worry, but they can't interfere with anything right now - not with the Ministry hanging around so close to us," she explains briefly. "We can't trust anyone -"

"- What about Dumbledore?" Asks Harry, interrupting the older girl, perking up slightly. "Maybe - maybe he'll be able to do something about this," murmurs the boy, trying to keep from getting desperate.

Carina bites her lip at the expression that flashes his eyes. "Harry... Remember what my dad said about Fudge thinking Dumbledore's after his job?" The boy's hopeful look tore down instantly. "We can't give them anymore reason to believe that. We need him to focus on much more important things... You get that, right?" Harry thinks about it for a second before his shoulders sag slightly and he nods his head, glaring at the ground. "I'm angry too, but we have to keep moving forward. You're strong. We can handle a few scars, right?"

Harry nods again, now glancing up at his friend. "Right," he agrees quietly, forcing a tight grin. "Are you going to the Slytherin Common Room?" He questions after checking out the time. It's already after dinner. Carina hums in response, pointing her wand at Harry's hand and performing a quick Episkey before doing the same to the back of her own hand. "That's so much better, thank you," mumbles Harry.

"You're welcome, H," replies Carina, patting his head lightly. "Make sure to bandage that up, okay?" Harry looks away, sighing and nodding before turning on his heel and leaving after saying his goodbyes. Carina chews on her bottom lip, turning around and making her way to the Astronomy Tower to meet up with Fred. She hopes he won't notice, perhaps the moonlit sky helps her out with that. Maybe she'll be able to come up with an excuse for tomorrow.

While walking, she can't help but think about everything that's just occurred. Thoughts swarm her brain, not letting up, even when her throat burns with the need to scream out of desperation. The guilt building up in her stomach is unlike anything she's ever felt. There are no words to describe the way she's feeling at the moment. To get hurt by someone else, is one thing. To be forced to hurt yourself... to inflict pain on your own body, by your own hand, against your will? That's a whole different story.

It's unfair, and hurtful, and self-destructing. In every sense of the word.

Having gone through a Cruciatus curse, getting hit by the man who she thought was her father and being judged by the man she loves the most, all pained her in very different, yet very real, ways. However, this... it feels like the worst kind of betrayal. The fact that she couldn't stop herself from putting quill to paper even after knowing what it did to her, makes her mind race, makes her heart shatter.