Until I Find You

Chapter 16: Worrisome

Amahle

Anurak looks more worried than me, the way he rushed towards her makes me think I am not in love with Tiana but rather in love with the idea of being with her. The way he just throws Stefani off, like he is about to kill her. Like Tiana is the only important person to him and not just a screw buddy. He picked a girl who despises his guts over a girl who warms his bed and gives him company. I might not be the one in love with Tiana maybe Anurak is.

Could Tiana and I just be lesson to each other, and did we make the right choice in dating when I just got out of a relationship? Could I have transferred those feelings to Tiana? Could Tiana have actually cared about me or was she feeling pity about how my relationship ended? Could we have rushed things? Rushed our emotions and rushed the timing of our relationship? Could it be Tiana treats me better than my ex-girlfriend and is why I could possibly like her. Do I loke her or do I like the idea of her?

Do I actually like her, or do I like her company?

'If you question whether you love someone or not. That is not love,', my mother's words play in my mind from when I joined high school. Does that mean I do not love Tiana? Could I have taken platonic feelings for romantic feelings?

What if I still am in love with my ex and she was right? I was using her to get over my ex from how she had slept with Aryan even though he was dating Tiana at the time and making out with Amber. Could I have liked her because she was also the girl that got cheated on? Was I trying to get back at my ex and Aryan by subconsciously making myself like Tiana? Do I actually like her? Do I see her in my future?

I look at Tiana as the pandemic on site arrives and Anurak looks more concerned than me. I don't understand, Anurak hates Tiana's guts why would he care more about her than I do.

There is a thin line between love and hate; most people mix it up because they actually hate how much they care about each other. Tiana and Anurak must hate how much they care about each other. Maybe they are meant to be, and Tiana and I are just a lesson for each other.

The camp nurse rushes towards Tiana, she looks horrified. She cheeks if she is still breathing with her index and middle finger by the side of Tiana's neck. She turns towards the councillors and starts speaking but my brain can not hear anything coming from her mouth. I can only see her mouth moving, they look terrified and scared as she speaks. Making my stomach feel ill and weak. I do not process any of the words, only the mouth movements. Giana steps out of the crowd and looks horrified. She seems to be pale, and worry is written all over her face. Anurak's worry seems worse than Giana. Anurak must be mixing his feelings up with Tiana for hate or he would rather pretend to hate her, so he can still have some of her attention.

I know what I must do.