Until I Find You

Chapter 32: Jealousy

Tiana

When I woke up in the morning, I surprisingly did not have a hangover. Right now, we are on a break from doing fitness. I am by the river by a specific person who has been on my mind a bit too much lately.

"Hey," I say as I sit beside him.

"Hey, how are you?" He responds still looking at the river flow. It is a rush of water, going fast, so dangerous but the sound is soothing.

"Good thanks and you?"

"I am good thank you. Tiana, we need to talk about what happened earlier, well more like yesterday but you get what I mean," his voice sounded raspy, even though he has the feeling of getting something off his chest.

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?" I query, looking him in the eyes. His hazel eyes look with mine.

"Tiana, I like you but I am with Stefani and I do not want things between you and I to get ruined," he comments. He is lying, everyone from yesterday knows him and Stefani broke up.

"Anurak, there is nothing between you and Tiana, you two are known to hate each other's guts and now you are both starting to have feelings about each other!" Stefani intervenes, walking towards me. Does this girl know what space is or a breakup is? Has she never been rejected?

"Honestly it looks like they hate each other so much it turned to love," Stefani comments, I start moving to get up.

"Just because you feel insecure when I am around you and make you feel insecure when I am around Anurak because I actually got his attention to stay on me, doesn't mean I will break you guys up. My mom never raised a homewrecker like you, my mom raised me that if I can not get a man, I can always make a home by myself," I snarl at her, her hand moves up above her head, showing she is about to hit me. Anurak is quick to jump to his feet, grabbing Stefani's hand while stepping in between us.

"Stefani, just leave...Tiana and I need to talk things out," Anurak irritated voices, if looks could kill, I would be dead from the daggers in Stefani's eyes and Stefani would be dead from Anurak's death stare. He has a fire in his eyes, like he is trying to control his anger.

Anurak looks like he is not having any more of Stefani's whining or shit, honestly, he looks like he might break her for not leaving him alone.

That makes me internally smile, the thought of her being hurt. I might be evil. I might even start to become the people I am sent to take down.

Does that make me a bad person? I do like him but does that make me bad? I am sure a lot of girls have felt the way I am feeling and I am sure it is normal, right?

"What is there to talk about? Anurak is mine and even Tiana said herself that she would never date a man like you," Stefani growls, her eyes never leaving Anurak's face, you can see her trying to fight the urge to look at me.

"I said I would not date him. I never said anything about liking him," I state becoming defensive, "You know what, Stefani, not to bruise your ego or anything but you just want Anurak for his look, right now you are fighting the urge you have to look at me. Honestly, you are probably using him for pleasure or the fact that he spoils you with gifts when he wants something from you." I look from her head making my way down to her lower torso, making it known what I am implying, "You are scared that you will lose those gifts if he leaves you and goes for me and honestly you feel threatened by me." With that, I get up and make my way to the main hall. Not wanting to let my anger consume me and make decisions for me. I do not want to become like the people I am sent to kill. It would make me a hypocrite.

Always being told that anger is the second emotion we feel, right now I know it is the emotion I am using to not feel jealous or hurt. I want to blame someone for my hurt but I have to take the blame for falling for a bad boy, thinking I can help him- like I help the world. Make him feel understood because he feels misunderstood. You can not help someone who does not want help. I have to let my emotions out so it does not consume me, but I will do that later, right now let me feel anger, so later I can process the real emotions and maybe then cry to make me feel better.

Taking a deep breath in, turning my jealousy into anger, knowing it is a bad coping mechanism, but I do not want to cry now. He will go for the girl he says he likes. A girl I do not know and won't be able to stalk or see what she is like. I just hope he is happy with her.

It is not fair; how can he be with her when he clearly likes me and knows I like him! What does she have that I do not? I am smarter than her- just his type from what I have heard from his friends-, why pick her over me? He does not like Stefani anymore. I need to stop comparing myself to her or any other girl. I am my own individual and on my own path- it is unfair to both parties. He stayed with Stefani, choosing her over me I assume.

I walk to the main hall where my friends are at.

"Taeyong let's get to the point and then we can leave this place and I never have to look at Anurak again," I irritatedly state, grabbing his attention.

"What got your panties in a twist" He snaps back, raising his eyebrow at me.

"He picked her over me. He found out that I like him, and he still picks his smash buddy," I spitefully spite.

"How did he find out," Taeyong states, confused.

"Playing truth and dare, you were drunk, and they asked you, who I like. You had no filter and you let it out that I liked him," I roll my eyes at his question as I answer it.

"Why did he pick her over you? He does have bad taste. Also, I am sorry that I told them you like him," he remarks while pulling me into a hug from my waist.

"It is alright, I might have said you want to smash Amahle," I whisper in his ear.

"Code one of our friendship," Taeyong whispers in my ear, wrapping his hands around me more securely.

"Always forgive each other, the next day if it was about a boy, girl, drama or if they were drunk," I whisper back.

We let go of the hug, looking around in our surroundings.

"We will get this mission over with when we find out the information we need, and hopefully stop the kidnapping," Taeyong states while he lets go of his grip on my waist.

"We need to find information fast, we have about a week left," I state to him, worrisome in my voice and expression. Gabriela was taken a week ago and everyone seems to say they do not remember her. I wonder if the water they are giving to us during water breaks could be messing with their memories. I still have my tooth tracker in. I wonder if it is the food or something from the tuckshop in the camo which makes people have brain fog.