MASTERMIND - H.S

Chapter 23

*• June 2013 •*
- Los Angeles, USA -
~< Liability >~

(SONG: LIABILITY - LORDE)

MAYBE ADDIE'S FAMILY WAS JUST CURSED TO FOREVER BE UNHAPPY. That was the only reasoning she could find as to why every family reunion ended in tears and an aching heart.

It was hard to remember the last time Addie had laughed, smiled or even tolerated her family. It seemed like she was always on the verge of breaking around them.

Was this how family was like?

Just crying and screaming and frustration?

But Addie swore it was supposed to be different. But maybe all those movies and books had lied. Maybe blood relatives were just cursed to hate each other.

At least, that's how it seemed when she was around her family.

It had all started over something meaningless, a throwaway bitter line from Addie about her parents never sticking around.

Then it unraveled into an argument about how Addie was such a troubled kid. The usual words were thrown around, selfish, arrogant, self-obsessed.

Addie knew she was at her core a huge narcissist. She knew she was self-centered. She knew she was selfish. They were all tags and labels that were sewed onto her since she was a child by her parents. She knew very well she was owned by her own selfishness.

At some point, you become desensitized to sharp comments about your narcissism, probably somewhere around the thirteenth time hearing it.

And then the discussion became about how Addie was a disappointment, and did she really want to wear those clothes?

"I don't approve of those 'outfits'," Mom said, with quotation marks around the word, "They barely cover anything."

Adelaide Heathers was a disappointment.

And then she was lazy. Didn't she want to work more? Didn't she want more?

Mom said, "You lie around all day and do nothing."

But then Addie mentioned she was going to start theater. And then the comments became, "You work too much. You need to focus on your family."

It was funny how you could do everything right and still be wrong.

Her crying became silent, her misery numbed as warm tears slid down her cheeks. She kept wiping them away half-heartedly, but for every tear she wiped away, two more came to take its place.

Addie didn't do enough. Addie did too much. Addie needed to be around her family. Addie needed space from her family. Addie was selfish. Addie was self-centered. Addie needed to work on her attitude problems. Addie wasn't enough.

She was never enough. She would never be enough.

Sometimes it felt so hopeless to keep trying when nothing made her parents happy. When Addie could never compare to her sister. No, perfect Paola would always be superior to Addie.

"Look at how well your sister's doing!" Mom said.

"I'm a millionaire. I wrote songs and bought this house with that money."

"You need to stop putting Paola down," Mom remarked, voice cold with an edge, "Stop rubbing your success in her face."

"Okay." Addie gave up that easily. She'd fought this battle a million times, and she never won the war.