Perfect Nightmare

Chapter 28

Xavier's POV

The moon hung heavy in the night sky, casting an ethereal glow over my face as I sit alone in this deserted park. Its dark and windy with only the moonlight illuminating the park. I wish this wind could carry away all this pain and anguish I feel so maybe I can feel normal again.

I can't believe my past collided with my future. When I killed my uncle and his family I thought that chapter was behind me but now it has returned only to bring devastion to not only me but to the people I hold dear.

This bench become my refuge, a silent witness to the turmoil I feel inside. My fingers unconsciously start tracing a pattern on the cold hard metal as I close my eyes hoping for even just a second of peace. But I guess that was too much to ask.

Dove's face flashes before my closed eyes- the love of my life now burdened by grief that my fucked up past caused. A wave of regret washed over me threatening to sink me further into despair. If only I had stayed away, if only my past didn't taint my future maybe than we would both be at peace.

The roots of self-loathing dug deeper into my heart convincing me I was unworthy of the happiness I dared to obtain. I became icarus and I flew to close to the sun.

I know I'm a coward for leaving Dove in this difficult time but I'm afraid of seeing hatred for me in her eyes, I just can't take it. So I stayed with her sleeping on the couch until she woke up. I hope one day she would forgive me for that.

I envisioned Logan, my brother who is another casualty in my twisted life. He had to kill his own mate just to save us. Maybe I'm the cursed one since everyone one I loved either ends up dead or is broken beyond repair. I haven't seen Logan ever since he dropped us at the hospital. Even though I hope he is doing well I know its impossible after killing the one person you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with.

In this deafening silence I wonder what would happen if I just dissappear. Logan will take good care of the pack, Dove will probably go back to her parents but would she be okay without me? Would she miss me like how I would miss her? Would she find another guy? Even though I wished I left her alone but the thought of Dove with another man is not sitting well with me.

I don't know how long I've sat on this bench since time has lost its meaning. As I wallow in self-pity I hear a familiar voice. "How are you holding up?"

Turning around I see Logan leaning against a tree. Even though he physically looks alright but I know he isn't. His eyes don't sparkle the same way they used to and he has lost that boyish charm he had. What have I done to him?

"I should be asking you the same question." I reply looking away since I can't witness the damage i caused him. He takes a sit next to me on the bench leaning forward with his hands clasped on his knees.

"I'm not going to lie, it's been hard. I thought I would spend my life with her but she betrayed and used me for her own vendetta. What hurts the most is knowing that everything we did and said to each other was a lie. I loved her but she valued power and revenge above all else. I should have listened to you and Dove when you warned me but i was too blinded by love." His voice is laced with the same sorrow and pain I feel.

"I'm sorry for causing you to lose your mate." He looks at me like I've grown two heads after hearing that.

"No, don't blame yourself since it's all her fault. You did what you did to survive back than and I would gladly do it again if it means you two get to live. I was given a psychotic mate but you have a beautiful, loving mate who is all alone now. You two still have a chance to emerge from this, don't let them win. You deserve to be happy and I know Dove makes you happy."

Logan's words hang in the air as we quietly sit on this bench both separately dealing with our demons. I commend Logan because after losing his mate he is here encouraging me but I don't think I would have the strength to even get out of bed, I would be broken beyond repair.

After awhile I realise Logan is right and I should go back and ask Dove for forgiveness even if I have to crowl on hot silver.

The journey home was a silent one, each step a painful reminder of the irreversible choices that led us to this point. Upon arriving, I stood at the threshold, my hands trembling as I reached for the doorknob. I've never been this nervous to come home.

With a deep breathe, I pushed open the door, inside its pristine and every furniture I broke is replaced. It's like nothing was out of place, but the person I'm looking for isn't here and for a second I'm afraid that she has left.

I take two stairs at a time hoping for the best. I breathe a sign of relief when I see her in the walk in closet but my relief is short lived after I see her swollen tear stained eyes.

I take tentative steps towards her but she flinches when I try to caress her cheek. I'm not going to lie, that hurt.

"I'm sorry for not being here." I see anger, disgust and pain in her eyes all directed at me.

"It's too late for that now, isn't it? What kind of alpha leaves her mate after being kidnapped, tortured and losing her baby? I wish you never came back since I've gotten used to being alone. I wish I listened to my dad and brother when they said you weren't good enough. Maybe than I wouldn't have experienced this pain." She says while pushing me out of the way.

I know what I did was cowardly and she is right but her words cut deeper than a knife. It felt like arrows piercing my already broken heart. I put a hand on chest massaging it hoping that somehow it will lessen the pain I feel inside but I know that it's furtile.

I know I've hurt her deeply with my absence but I'm going to whatever possible to make her forgive me.