Crush/Boyfriend Imagines

hidden messages 1

you and c/n had been best friends since always. any childhood memory you had, be it of a trip or vacation, or some shenanigans you did, it was always with him. he was always present in those childhood memories - you were inseparable ever since you were children.

although you could not remember how you've met. your mothers told you that you were just babies back then, so it's understandable you don't remember your first encounter, and it did not really matter anyway.

what mattered was that your friendship was still steady and strong. and you could not imagine your life without such a being like c/n, either.

only the most recent days, you were a little afraid of messing up the friendship you had - you felt like you could no longer contain the feelings that had been harvesting in your heart and chest for quite some time now. you were afraid not to be able to keep them safely hidden away from him, because it would probably ruin the friendship if he ever found out.

but it was hard, because you spent every day together.

it was hard, because you sat at the same desk together in the classes you shared, and he'd always ask you for the right answers, and write little paper notes to you or doodle all across your notebook's pages, even tiny hearts.

it was hard because you sat at lunch together, and sometimes he'd feed you his food and you him, and he'd press himself so close to you on the bench your elbows were touching and knees bumping.

it was hard because when people asked whether you two were dating, he'd always speak up with confidence, "yes, this is my girlfriend y/n," and when they'd be gone, he'd glance at you, shake his head and mutter, "people are so easy to fool."

it was hard because each weekend you hung out, either at your house or at his, and you'd always lie in one bed together whenever you had a sleepover, and you could also comfortably share the bathroom even if one of you was showering - you both trusted the other enough to know that you or he won't try to pull aside the shower curtain and always get out when the one showing was done and needed to get dressed.

it was hard because whenever you went to the mall together, he kept choosing clothes for you and saying stuff like, "you'd look so good in this," or "i really want to see you dressed in this," when it was a pair of sexy, revealing dress.

it was hard because anytime he'd feel unsure, he'd reach for your hand and hold it, and anytime you'd feel off, he would just know and hug you without saying anything.

it was hard because anytime you went out to eat at a restaurant with other friends, you'd always kick play with your legs under the table without any other person knowing.

it was hard because anytime he was tired he'd lean his head on your arm or lay down on your lap.

it was hard because you'd often see girls confess to him at the lockers and he'd give you the chocolates they originally gave him to eat while pretending to confess his love.

it was hard because every valentine's, you'd go on a 'date' together and never accept anyone else's confession - that's what you swore, always to be together and to not let anyone break the bond you shared.

it was hard because you'd go to the beach during the summer and he'd flex his muscles at you, and he'd stare at your body in only a bikini or a swimming suit and put sunscreen on your back or tie the bikini bra tighter for you if you asked.

it was hard because you'd play out in the snow during the winter and he'd always force his hoodies on you to make sure you were warm, and make you hot chocolate and cuddle with you under a blanket while watching some show.

it was hard because you'd behave like an actual couple, would always pretend you were if it meant you could get a discount in a cafe or a shop, but in the harsh reality, you were only friends and nothing more.

it was hard because you loved him so much, but could not let him know.

it was hard because lately he began speaking about this person he liked, and you'd have to listen to his every word of admiration and love while encouraging him to confess his feelings.

"earth to y/n? who's occupying your mind so much? pay attention to me!" he headbutted your arm as if he were a cat, pouting in an attempt to look cute.

you snapped back from the whirlwind of your thoughts and focused on him. it was (subject of choice) currently, subject you both hated and loathed purely and you didn't even try to pay attention to it. well, normally you wouldn't.

but today, when your mind was full of c/n, you decide to at least try to register the words the teacher was saying, so that you would not have to think of him this much. it was killing you.

"stop being so needy," you retorted in a whisper to him. for the rest of the lesson, you just let him be and ignored his too heavy breathing right into your ear to get your attention as best as you could. when the bell rang, you immediately sprang up and headed outside into the hallway.

"why the rush? we've got the next class together, too, don't you wanna walk together?"

"i need to use the toilet," you lied to him. you needed to be away from him for at least a second, you knew. being always with him, always reminding of your unfulfilled desires, was too much to carry. it hurt too much.

"alright then. i'll save a seat for you in class!" he shouted after you as you were already lost amongst all the other students outside.

when you finally entered the classroom and sat down at the usual seat next to c/n, you felt the tiniest bit better. but you still wanted to take a little space away from him. maybe that's what would be the best. to stop seeing him for a while. you almost turned around to say your suggestion out loud, but he was first to speak, "is there something wrong? i noticed you're kinda avoiding me, and don't spend as much time with me. did i do, say something i shouldn't have?"

your eyes widened. of course, you tried to avoid him whenever you could these past few days, even weeks, but not too much to not make it so obvious... and yet, he saw something was wrong? and the way his voice sounded... you didn't realize it could affect him this much, that he really thought it was his fault.

"no, of course not, you didn't do anything wrong," you were quick to reassure him. "i didn't mean to avoid you, i'm sorry. i guess i just didn't realize it seemed like to you," you tried to search for some explanation you could give him, one that he'd take, but you could not be that creative in such an important situation. he stared at you for a while, deciding whether it was true what you were saying, and then let it go.

"alright then. if you say so..."

and that was how you began to feel even worse, for making him think he made some mistake, and began avoiding him even more.

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part two will be up in a week!