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argh I can't wait so here you go bbies
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your friendship was slowly crumbling. slowly, but surely. he'd still make the effort to come talk to you, to ask you to hang out, to anything. but you'd brush him off more often and often.

you did feel bad for destroying your friendship like that, of course you did. but you kept telling yourself it would happen one day anyway, that you would not be able to continue being friends for the rest of your lives, and you comforted yourself with the words, "better to get it over with sooner than later."

you also felt guilty because you saw how let down c/n looked. when you were kids, you once promised each other to stay forever always - you were naive, did not know any hardships of life yet. now you could see how impossible the promise was to keep.

and since you left c/n without a clear explanation as to why you don't want to hang out anymore, he was left with confusion. you knew it wasn't fair from your side - but for once, you finally decided to be selfish and try to protect your heart instead of repairing the friendship.

"hey, y/n," c/n greeted you with a hopeful smile as you entered the classroom, sitting at the desk.

"hey," you simply muttered back without elaborating further as you'd normally do, and turned away from him.

from behind you, you heard him sigh. your heart clenched.

you had thought about telling him the truth a few times. you had thought about confessing, about telling him why you no longer can spend time with him. but you were too scared of rejection, too scared of everything breaking off for good. because you still had a little hope in your heart that your feelings will subside and you will be able to go back to normal, to the way it always used to be before you realized you liked him in a different way.

so you rather kept your mouth shut and focused on blocking him away, out of your life and mind, so that you'd forget about liking him, so that the feelings would vanish.

it was not working.

"are you sick?" c/n tried to start a conversation again.

you hunched your shoulders. "no," was all you said.

it seemed as though he was waiting for you to say more, waiting for you to finally explain why you were behaving the way you did. he always did that these past days and weeks, pausing sometimes to give you space and time to tell him what's been weighting your heart, but you never took the chance.

you were too much of a coward.

"then," he began again when he saw you made no move to speak further, "do you wanna come and hang out at mine? we can do (teacher's/name)'s homework together..." his voice trailed of at the end, self-consciously. because no matter how many times he had tried the last couple weeks, you always refused.

your heart ached to say yes, screamed at you from inside to take up his offer. you missed him. you missed his hugs and his jokes and his laugh and smile.

"no," you repeated yourself from earlier. "my mom need me at home," you lied.

his hopeful smile fell down, eyes avoiding you and lowering themselves to gaze at the floor. "oh, okay."

"sorry," you whispered, and didn't look at him for the rest of the day.

and it went on like this for a month, two, almost three. until one day, he stopped you after you were finally dismissed on your last lesson and you were rushing home through the hallways packed with students. you felt his hand grab your wrist, pushed you sideways to avoid the flow of almost running students getting out through the gateways of hell.

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