Just - Theodore Nott

⁂𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍⁂

Theodore's Pov:

I'm doing this to myself. I'm destroying myself.
That's what hurts the most.
I'm doing this to myself, just me.

I haven't left my room since the funeral. I barely ate and I didn't sleep. Even when I would, it would only last half an hour before I wake up from that same recalling nightmare.

"Theo!" Aliyah smiled, running over to me, when Greyback pounced at her out of nowhere.
"Avada Kedavera!" The werewolf dissapeared.

I ran over to her side, propping her head on my knee.

It was just the two of us, and everything around us was blank. In a white room, she cried and bled out. "It- was... your fault..." she muttered as blood spewed from her mouth and neck profusely

"I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I cried out, brushing her hair out of her face. "You should've died... not me... It is all your fault" she repeated, going unconscious and pale.

I wailed against her lifeless bloody body, "I'm sorry!" I continued to cry, the blood from her mouth bleeding onto the white floor which soon turned black, Aliyah's body dissapearing.

I looked up in horror, seeing a lot of people. Mattheo, the Berkshires, the Malfoys, the Zabinis, the Parkinsons, the Lupins, etc...

"It was your fault! You're the reason she's dead!" They all repeated.

I looked down at my hands, seeing them covered in her blood. I gripped at the roots of my hair, beginning to sob and cry. My breath began to run short, wanting to scream.

I opened my mouth, —

I woke up with a gasp, breathing heavily, covered in my own sweat. I propped myself up on my elbows, trying to catch my breath.

I gripped at my shirt, my breathing not slowing down one bit. Fuck, fuck, fuck, not this again. The panic has only been getting worse, and I barely knew what to do.

With shaky legs, I made my way to my bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror. Red eyes, flushed face, and I really needed a haircut.

Fucking hell, what was happening to me?

I wiggled my fingers and sat down on the floor, "Breathe, love" I heard a voice — Aliyah's. I looked over to my side, seeing a faded version of her.

"You're not real, stop it" I uttered to myself. She wasn't real, I knew that, so why did I even try and bother to reach out to touch her face, only for her to fade away.

That's been happening a lot — my hallucinations. I've been thinking that she's still there even though she isn't. I saw her die in my arms, yet I kept seeing her as if she were still right there. I felt I was going crazy.

How could I allow myself to love her that much to miss her this much?

I decided that was enough and I got up to get dressed. I wore the sweater she gave me, still, and put a coat over with sweatpants.

My parents were shocked so see me out of my room after a month. "Teddy, my love- " my mum began, "I'll be back before sunrise.." I mumbled, not daring to look her in the eye. I didn't want to feel worse by seeing the look of sympathy and worry on her and father's faces.

—

I bought a bottle of beer, going to Godrick's Hollow right after it.

I did this once before I got fully depressed. I visited Leah's grave and drank as I went on to cry and daydream of talking to her as a way to deal with my grief. That was basically around the time where I started to see her.

Yet, this time, when I arrived there to see her familiar silhouette crouching down beside her grave, it looked too real. It felt too real.

I was too stunned to speak, the bottle of alcohol slipping from my hands and breaking on the ground. "Aliyah?" My voice immediately broke.

She turned her head around and stood up, "Theo?" She muttered. "Leah.." tears formed in my eyes. "Teddy" she ran over to hug me, but I stepped back before she could even touch me.

"You're not real, these are feeling too real now. I'm going crazy" I cried. She tilted your head, "Theo-", "No, no, I have to stop imagining..." tears began to well in her eyes whereas they already started falling from mine.

"You're not imagining, love. I promise" she scanned my face, "You're not real, bella. You-You died. I saw it, I was there— you died in my own arms!" I wailed

"Yes- I know, but I didn't die. Teddy, darling, I passed out, I was in a coma. I'm real, okay?" Her words shocked me, "I'm real, I swear. It's a lot to take in, but I'm real... you have to believe me.."

She reached out to touch my face, looking into my eyes as she did, slowly. When I felt the soft touch of her fingers against my skin, I knew that this was very real and that I wasn't just imagining.

"Leah..." I stuttered softly, putting my hand over hers and looking into her eyes. "Teddy.." she said in the same tone.

I immediately buried my face into her shoulder and hugged her tightly, completely breaking down. She ran her fingers through my hair softly, "Hey, it's okay..." she comforted with a sniffle.

I sobbed, sinking into her touch. "You were dead" I sobbed, "I thought so too...".

The hug and crying lasted for almost half an hour, until we began to feel droplets of rain falling down on us, "I won't ever lose you like that ever... never" I whimpered out.

"You won't have to, I can promise you that" she pulled my head out from her shoulder. "Look at you... my beautiful boy..." she smiled.

Our eyes glistened under the rain, "I love you so fucking much... Just you" I kissed her softly and she did back.

She maintained it for a few moments before pulling away with a chuckle, "I love you more". "Shush, no you don't" I joked, pulling her in to kiss her again.

"I missed you so much you wouldn't even believe it" I said into the kiss, "I can tell" she laughed lightly.

We both pulled away laughing, "God, how I've missed that smile" I caressed her cheek, my words only making her smile more. "You're wearing the hoodie I got you?" She noticed my outfit.

"Yeah" I rubbed the back of my neck with a small grin.

Her head then immediately shot up before two voices could be heard. "Theo, it's raining" said a voice, "It's been hard on me too" said the second voices.

We both turned our heads, "Leah?" Matt and Enzo said in unison with shock plastered on their faces. She immediately ran over to hug them both as well, "But how?" Matt squalled.

"It's a long story" she laughed with a chuckle.

—————
1171 wc
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