The Fighter (Ziall Horlik)AU M-preg

Chapter 30

Zayn's POV

Two weeks passed after Mark showed me the fight against Liam Payne and the dollar amount that was attached to it. Now it was over a million dollars because Americans started getting involved and placing bets for me to get in the fight. By now, I wouldn't sleep at all. All I could do was think of the way it feels to throw a punch for a knock out. I could only think of the way it felt to get in the ring and have that adrenaline running through every ounce of my body. It literally felt like I was an addict going through withdrawal. I needed boxing and craved boxing, but I knew I couldn't do it because I have so much depending on me.

As I laid awake yet another night, all I thought of was the fact I came up short to pay our rent this month. I thought of the empty refrigerator and cabinets that I bearly got enough tips from the night club to pay to fill. I thought of the many lies I told Niall that I would eat later or had already eaten just so him and my child have enough. I thought of how thankful I was that my sister didn't charge me for Niall's doctor appointments anymore after I told her I couldn't afford them anymore. I even thought of how I snuck into Harry's personal gym just to throw a few punches at a punching bag the last time we were over there for dinner. Why is this so hard, yet so easy?

I'm not happy. I'm not anything anymore. Yes, I feel so amazing when I'm with Niall and today when we saw our baby in the ultrasound that it's lung healed and it was really chubby I was on top of the world. But, inside I feel something missing. It's that feeling of hitting someone that I'm missing. Not that I'm a violent person nor do I have a quick temper, I just like hitting someone. In the boxing ring, of course.

The moon went away and the sun came up too soon. I got out of bed and jumped in the shower, hoping that would clear my head a little. Unfortunately, I started thinking more when I was in there and turned off the water the second I thought of the fact I didn't have enough money to pay for the water bill this month. Part of me felt like I was suffocating. I felt like I was holing up the whole world in my hands, but it was so very slowly lowering on me because I couldn't hold the weight.

"Zayn?" Niall called from the bedroom as I looked over the looser of a man I am in the mirror. At this rate, we're going back to Bradford next week. I sighed and finished getting dressed before going into our room where Niall was struggling to get out of bed. I ran over to him and helped him up, forcing my thoughts away and a smile on my face for the Irish boy. He smile at me sheepishly and kissed me before waddling his way to the bathroom.

I found myself in the kitchen cooking some eggs and toast. It was all we could afford at the moment, but I was glad Niall seemed fine with that. He walked into the kitchen and gave me another soft kiss before sitting down. I started getting his special decaffeinated tea prepared for him as I made sure the eggs weren't going to burn. I could feel Niall's eyes on me and I could feel that he was thinking, but I ignored it and continued working on breakfast.

"Are you okay?" He finally asked me once I was sitting down with both our food in front of us. I nodded and gave him a fake smile before eating what I felt like eating. That was only two bites before my anxiety started to get to my stomach and forced me to stop. Niall was quietly eating his food, but I saw that he didn't look too thrilled at the moment.

Once breakfast was over, Niall and I went into the living room like we do every morning and cuddled a little bit. However, I couldn't sit still any more and found myself leaving the room. I don't know how I even ended up in the guest bedroom or why, but I did. I hate that I did actually.

That was where we kept all of my trophies and medals I've won from my fights. I had thrown them all in a box the day of Niall and the baby's surgery. I remember coming home really fast to get Niall's vitamins and other pills he had to take, but I found myself in the room throwing everything in a box out of anger. I just remember looking at all this stuff and knowing it had no value to it without Niall and my baby. Now looking at it, I felt that overwhelming feeling run through me. I knew that in this moment, I had to fight Liam Payne but I knew I couldn't. There was no way I would get out of that ring alive and there was no way I would put Niall through that. Even after the baby comes, I don't want my child to experience so much violence. We all see how I turned out with the violence I encountered in Bradford. I want so much more for my child.