Rose and Scorpius, A True Love

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

Hugo's POV
I was stroking a brown barn owl gently, not really thinking of anything at the moment. I've learned through the years that if I don't think, then everything is easier. Because usually when I do think.. I get angry.. But not normal angry, I feel.. Dangerous.. And I hate it. I don't want to hurt anyone.. But it's really hard sometimes.. At least when I'm up here in the owlery, I feel, well, calm. Like nothing can touch me, or hurt me. But my peace was disrupted when I heard footsteps.

"Erin, go away please.. I told you I don't want to talk about it right now." I said quietly. "I've been saying the same thing to everyone, but I don't think it applies to each other, Hugo.." I turned around at the sound of my sisters voice. "Rosie..? What are you doing out of bed..?" "That doesn't really matter right now. What matters is that we talk." She said firmly, her eyes not leaving my own. She looked better, healthier. She was still skinny from the lack of eating and the torture, but, her wounds were gone and the black circles under her eyes finally went away. "I don't really want to talk.." I said quietly, my eyes leaving hers to focus on the barn owl. Don't break down. Focus on the barn owl. Don't think. "But if we don't, you won't ever get over this.." She whispered. She sounded sad. I never liked it when she was sad. That's why I hate being the youngest, I couldn't even help her. Protect her.. "Hugo.." I felt a hand on my shoulder and my heart jumped out of my chest. I shoved her away. "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled, trying to steady my heart. Roses eyes were wide with shock, never moving, just staring. I hate when people stare at me...

"Don't you get it? No one can be around me! No one can touch me, or talk to me! I have to be alone! It's the only thing I've been use to!" I yelled, not realizing all I was confessing. She shook her head, tears springing to her eyes. "Don't say that.. What about Lily? And me? Albus, Roxanne, Dominique, Victorie.." "Lily has been just as alone! It wasn't just our father who was gone all the time! Hers was too! She can just hide her anger better I suppose.. And when have the rest of you had time for me..? Your always busy with school, and being head girl or prefect, whichever you are this year. Everyone else has their own life to worry about. And even mom.. Mom has been too scared as to what might happen to you next to even talk to me!" I finished, tears streaming down my face. This is why I don't like to think. I don't want to remember why all of this stuff happens.. I don't want to remember the lonely feeling I get every time I get to the burrow.. Every time I come home.. Every time I'm awake..

"I didn't realize how awful you must have felt through all of this.." She whispered, tears pouring down my sisters face. "I know for the first couple of years, you were trying to be strong for me. I could tell. You were trying to act older than you were, so that way I felt like I could lean on you whenever. But it was pointless, okay? I can't talk to anyone, ever.." I finished, wiping away my tears and clearing my throat. Stop thinking. I had stopped petting the barn owl, and I was facing the dropping covered wall, trying my best to stop the shaking. "I miss him too, Hugo." I heard her say quietly. I shook my head, "I don't miss him. I never even knew him that well." I mumbled. Don't think. "He spoke to me last night.." My heart lurched and I turned around on my heel. "What the hell are you talking about?" She looked shy, and was playing with her fingers, not making eye contact. "I had seen Dolohov-" "You saw Dolohov!?" I asked angrily, once again not being included in something that I should be. She gasped at my outburst and closed her eyes. "Yes I saw him. And when I was finished, I went to the lake, and sat under a tree. I was a mess, screaming and everything, and suddenly.. I felt him.. Dad, I mean." She said quietly, opening her eyes to look at me. "Your a liar." I said angrily, trying to keep the tears inside. She shook her head. "It's true! He said he loved us all, and that we need to move on, somehow. And not dwell on all of this!" She looked pleading, as if she too needed me to let go in order to let go herself.

"If this is true, then it doesn't help." I said angrily, my hands shaking in rage. My fists were clenched and at my side, and it felt as if my heart was beating hard enough to move my whole body. "But how..? It means he would want us to be happy!" She said, her eyes begging me to calm down. "NO! It means he wants you to be happy! For mom to be happy! He wants everyone to be happy, except me!" I bellowed, my soul practically leaving my body. I slid to the floor, and shoved my hands in my brown hair. I wanted to sleep. I didn't want to be awake. I want to stop thinking. "That is not true, Hugo!" She said loudly. She started to walk towards me. "Stay. Away." I whispered. But she didn't stop. She began to slide down to the floor to be level with me. And there was no where to go, there was all wall behind me. She reached out a hand, and I tried to move away. "Stop trying to make it go away.. It will just continue to hurt until you finally let it out.." She whispered.

I didn't know what I was doing. I just clung to her and cried.. I haven't cried into my sisters shoulder since I was a child.. But here I am now. Sobbing my heart out.. Feeling like I'm going to be sick, it hurts so much.. "He- he was never around for me!" I shouted through the tears. She stroked my hair soothingly.. "I know I know.. But he was trying to protect you.. He did not want you to ever get hurt like I did.." She whispered. I clung tighter and continued to cry. And for once, I didn't mind being awake.. Because I wasn't alone for the first time in years..