Kiss Gone Wrong

39-Unfiltered.

Hi everyone. I am having trouble finding time to write KGW, but I don't want to stop, so this is a weird, different type of filler. It is (as the title suggests) an unfiltered look at the characters. It definitely helps with the story-line and is 100% related to taking the book forward; I'm just trying out new things. I might even take this down later, once I write a better chapter.

***

(a look into Bailey's brain)

                                                               I think I made a big mistake. That small trip to Amber's house with Matt has completely messed me up. I think I need to take a day off and lock myself in my room so that I can get control of my emotions but the week ahead is just too busy. Today is a busy day at school.

                                                              Since we went to drop Sophie home, Matt has very stubbornly taken to calling me 'Bay' instead of 'Lee'. I have mixed feelings about it. It's kinda endearing, but it is also annoying. The girls are convinced that they need to set us up soon. I keep asking myself, what would be so bad about being with Matt?  But if I did end up with him, wouldn't it be cliche'? 

                                                             Another part of me just wants to stop running. Matt is nice to me, I have fun when I'm around him, he's cute and he really does seem to care. And 'Bay' is such a cute name! No one's ever called me that before. Maybe I should let the girls set me up. OR maybe I shouldn't depend on them and ask Matt out myself. 

                                                          Nope. Nope. Nope. Bailey you can't do that! You don't know HOW  to...you'll probably make a fool out of yourself. Matt is most probably just playing around. You shouldn't say anything. The only reason you think he likes you is because of what your friends have been telling you. He most definitely did not have ANY romantic feelings when he got you your birthday gift. Or when you almost kissed that day. HE'S A  MALE TEENAGER FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! Aren't they horny all the time?

                                                           But he's cute. And I am undeniably attracted towards him. Hugging him is so satisfying because he holds you really, really tight...a real hug. Not a small, awkward one. He hugs you like he means it. And I appreciate people with good hugging skills. Like Gemma. Gemma puts everything she has into hugs. It's comforting and makes you feel safe. Even more so with Matt, because he is strong enough to lift you if he wanted to. And he has brilliant arms...and lips.....I SHOULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT THAT. DELETE. DELETE. DELETE. WHY AREN'T THOUGHTS DELETE-ABLE? 

                                                            Oh my God, Matt's right there. Please don't let him have the ability to read minds. He said hi, Lee, say hello to him. 

                                                            He's standing really close to me. I wish he would step away a little; I'm having trouble breathing. Bailey, take slow deep breaths so that no one knows that you can't breathe. Breathe in and out, in and out, in and..WHO ARE WE KIDDING? He just held your hand and your lungs suddenly don't exist! 

Activate: POKER FACE + I'M NOT THAT AFFECTED COMBO 

                                                            "So Bay, I was thinking, now that all of us are friends, why don't we have a party at my place? We can invite Lynn and Nate too...." Matt looks amazing today. To be honest, wearing such a fitting shirt should be a crime. "...just our group though. Inviting a lot of people will take the fun out of it. What do you say?" Matt wants a party. A party with just your friend circle that thinks you and Matt should be together. A friend circle that will probably push you both into a closet until you come clean about your feelings for him. Say no Bailey.  Tell him that you have to meet dad or whatever.

                                                             "Bay? Are you okay? You look lost." I am. A little. But you don't need to know that. As far as you are concerned I'm just not upto talking today. Yeah, that should buy me time. "You look really pale. Maybe I should drive you home." OMG YES PLEASE! I'd love to run home and hide, but I also have important stuff to turn in. CURSE THESE ASSIGNMENTS! Tell him that you'll get Terry to drop you home later. 

                                                           "Are you sure? I could drop you home at any time. I'm free today, I could even keep you company till someone comes home." And what are we supposed to do till 'someone comes home'? Subconscious, I don't need those images. No. No- stop! Thank you Matthew you've officially made me blush because of my filthy mind! Bailey, do not let him drop you home! Please don't! The girls will have a field day if he does! Convince him that you're fine!

                                                           "Okay, if you insist. But think about that party. We don't even have to have our friends, it could just be us and our siblings for all I care. I just-" Just what? Just what? "Never mind. I'd like it if you agreed to come. I'll see you after class." DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT COMPLETING A SENTENCE! COME BACK! YOU JUST WHAT? Oh my God he is so frustrating! 

                                                           Calm down Bailey, calm down. Distract yourself. You have a lot to do, ignore Matt for a while. 

*filed into Read Later* 

There! Now you get into class and learn. Maybe peek into that, but not too much. Just move on. More later.