Kiss Gone Wrong

49- Say You Won't Let Go.

BAILEY'S POV:

OVER THE WEEKEND.

                                                     I hadn't seen Matt in school for the whole week, but I had heard some crazy rumours as to why he wasn't there. Some people said that he had had a breakdown. Some said that he fell ill. There were some people who believed that he had left school to pursue a professional career in basketball. I obviously didn't pay much attention to them. However there was confirmed news that shocked me.

                                                     When I arrived at school on Tuesday, I was greeted by the sight of Zachery emptying his locker. He had been suspended for a month because of stealing from his teammates. When Max heard that, he gave me a knowing look, but I ignored him. The fact that Zachery stole from his teammates only proved that Matt probably wasn't lying to me about what happened that night. 

                                                     By Wednesday, I felt glad that I didn't have to face Matt in school. I knew that I had hurt him, but I had made a decision to protect myself from more harm. I went through my day without thinking about him too much.

                                                     Thursday evening, I began to get a little worried. There was absolutely no sign of him, and no news either. It was like he had just disappeared. People had stopped asking about him, as if he was that easily replaceable. It irked me that someone as popular as Matt could be forgotten in a couple of days. 

                                                     Yesterday, I came home and asked Lynn if Matt and his family were out of town. Lynn knew what I intended to ask, and told me that they were home and that Matt had been prescribed a week's worth of rest. I tried to ask her what was wrong with him,but she said that she didn't know. 

                                                    Today, I woke up with the intention of finding out what had happened. To hell with ignoring him; just because the relationship (or whatever that was) didn't work out, didn't mean that I didn't care for him or his well-being. I decided that I would go to see him.

                                                    I wore a normal t-shirt and jeans, I wasn't trying to impress anyone. I did all I could to make sure that I was prepared for a bad situation. I mentally prepared myself for meeting him again and talking to him. Weirdly enough, the butterflies that erupted at the thought of him came back as if no time had passed. However, once I sat in the car, I realised that I couldn't bring myself to drive. 

                                                    I must have sat there in my driveway for a good twenty minutes before a knock on the window startled me. It was Nate who was peering in through the glass. I opened the window with a sigh. "You haven't left yet?" Nate asked me. "You're a genius for noting that." I muttered to myself. "What's wrong? Are you scared?" Nate asked. "I don't know." I shrugged and said honestly. 

                                                     Nate rolled his eyes and got into the passengers side. "Talk to me." He said. I took a deep breath. "I don't know what to expect. I don't know if anything's ever going to be the same with him, I don't know how awkward this might get...I don't know what to feel anymore. I don't know what to think." I sighed. 

                                                    "So, you're questioning your decision of letting him go?" Nate asked softly. "Probably." I said without meeting his eyes." "It's okay to not know." Nate said, "Things are not always black or white. Life is probably full of grey areas that we identify as more black or more white." I looked at Nate, who seemed lost in thought.

                                                     He continued, "I know Matt's case is suspicious. Everything just conveniently seems to play out for him; but maybe the universe is just against him all the time. Maybe, you've only seen him when he's most vulnerable. Maybe you're reading into this too much. I don't know. But this trip might give a hint as to what you really want." He said.

                                                    "So, I will know what to do once I come back from his house?" I asked hopefully. "I think you already do. You just need a little convincing." Nate said. He patted my shoulder and got out of the car. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I called after him. "Good luck Lee!" He said and went inside. 

                                                    Frustrated, I grabbed the steering wheel and stared at the road, but didn't move. I need to slow down and think, I told myself. I gripped the steering wheel and shut my eyes. What did I know so far?

                                                    I knew that Matt really liked me. I knew that I liked him too. A lot. More than I cared to admit. I thought I knew that he lied to me. That might not be true anymore, considering the recent events. I knew that being around him made me happy and that he could make me feel incredibly loved. I knew that I needed him to be okay. I knew that telling him to never talk to me again and to never come back and broken my heart.

                                                   I knew that if I didn't return his affections that I wouldn't be sitting in a car, debating whether I should go to him or not.
                       
                                                   But I still had my insecurities. I couldn't deny that to myself. These insecurities about him and some insecurities about myself made me scared of even trying to have a relationship with him.

                                                 I didn't want to be that clingy girlfriend, or the jealous one or the stalker girlfriend. I want to be the person he can come to when he didn't want to be judged or just relax. I want to be his friend before a girlfriend. I wanted to be a confidant, a hug-buddy, a cheerleader, a hoodie-borrower...I wanted a healthy relationship.

                                                  I opened my eyes. Nate was right. I knew what I wanted. I knew how to get it. I knew the issues we had to discuss. I was going to have a real talk with Matt. It was time to get real.
A/N: Hey everyone! Here's the first upload for today! Another one will follow in the evening. I also need to inform you that there are only two chapters left in this story, including the epilogue.
         I hope you've enjoyed this chapter. See you this evening!

Lots of love-D      :)