The rise and fall of an Idol Producer

Chapter 12 - Sheep or wolf

During the drive home tears spontaneously escapes my eyes although I tried really hard not to cry any more. G didn't look at me but he knew that I was a mess. Before I got a chance to calm down we already stopped in front of my apartment and we all quickly walked into my place. The state that I was in and the 3 idols next to me at this time at night would make the perfect scandal. It would ruin their career in a blink of a second. I did try to protest that they should leave but they did not do it. They were worried. I could tell. Grabbing my keys I tried to unlock the door but my body was trembling and I could not stop it. TOP stepped next to me and unlocked the door for me. I weakly smiled at him and we went into my small living room. G led me to the couch and we all took a seat.

"I will make some tea for us", Taeyang announced and went to the kitchen.

This is pathetic. I am pathetic. Look at this little wolf who became a sheep.

"I am pathetic guys. Sorry about this state of mine. You should go and rest. I will be fine. I always have managed this on my own.. I just need space", I said in a bitter but serious tone.

If they stay they will get involved into my past problems. They will get tangled up with my tiny issues while they had tones themselves.

There was silence for a bit and I just could hear Taeyang preparing something in the kitchen. Why were they not moving? I got angry and upset.

"GO! Just leave!", I yelled at them. If they avoid me or start to hate me now I don't mind. I care for them but they should not be burdened with my problems.

"NO", G screamed back.

"What? Who do you think you are?", I asked him back in disbelief. I have to make sure that he hates me and give up on me. It's better...he will be happier.

"I am your brother, friend or whatever I need to be to protect you. So don't dare to question who I am to you", he said angrily.

Why did he say that? My stomach was turning. My heart wanted them all to stay but my mind told me it was better if they leave.

"A.J what are you trying here?", Taeyang said calmly.

TOP got up and glared at me.

"You all are entitling yourself on interfering into my life...", I screamed at them.

"Why do you keep pushing us away?", G half screamed at me.

I didn't answer. He got up and stood in front of me. I got up and tried to walk away from this but he grabbed my wrist.

"WHY!", G screamed at me angrily.

"Because I will make you sad and disappoint you one day. I will burden you with my past", I yelled at G.

"We are family. That's what we are here for. To love unconditionally", G said.

"I don't know what a family is G! I never had a mother who took care of me, a father scolding me, siblings to fight with... since the day I was born I was alone... unwanted.. an orphan .. an outcast...", my voice cracked and I got choked up but I gathered all my strength together and continued, " each day I waited for someone , a couple that would adopt me but that day never came and I accepted it. I took care of myself. I always have and will. So when no one ever wanted me why do you guys want me? I caused trouble to J's family already ... so I don't want to destroy yours. I don't need any pity about my past ... so...".

My voice failed me. The tears were failing down my cheeks.

G spun me around so I faced him. He was crying and the others too. He just pulled me into his arms and didn't let go. It was enough. This showed me that he will never leave me and that I am part of his family.