The rise and fall of an Idol Producer

Chapter 45 - Funeral and Farewell

I was not able to sleep a lot the night before the funeral. Jungkook seemed to be as restless as me. I got out of bed by 4am and John joined me on a long run. Everything was ready for today. When we arrived back home we all got dressed into our attire. We decided on a white dress code. He wanted to be remember in his good days and did not want us to mourn over him. Zoe had picked out a simple A-line mid-length white dress for me. I tied up my hair and applied some Makeup. There were a lot of people from the industry coming to the funeral and to them I was A.J the producer. My friends and family all gathered at my place and we headed together to the venue before the guests started arriving. Anna and Mr. Won picked up Tai's parents from the place they were staying at. I wore some sunglasses in case I would be crying and mess up my Makeup.

John parked up at the venue and Jungkook helped me to get off the car. When the guests started arriving we would not be able to hold hands and I had to tell him that he needed to keep that in mind. I opened the door to the venue and found a room filled with an ocean of white lilies and a thoughtful decorated room. There were Polaroid's and quotes and memories all over the place. We had planned it all together but seeing the end result made me speechless. Even Tai was already lying in his coffin sleeping. Anna arrived with Tai's parents and they thanked me for all I did. I nodded and I told them to take a seat.

Soon all the guests started arriving and after a speech by his parents and Rain it was my turn. I walked to the front and faced the crying crowd.

"Today it is a farewell for Tai. Let us remember the good days we had with him and the memories that will stay with us", I managed to say and walk off.

One by one said their goodbyes to him and then selected men carried his coffin to the crematory. He wanted to be burned to ashes. It was just Tai's parents, Anna, Mr.Won and me in the actual room later. Their parents had decided who they wanted to let in and the rest of the guest were heading to the grave yard. Unnie had organised some drinks and snacks for the guest in a café nearby.

Seeing his coffin being pushed into the fire will be a picture I will never forget. I stared at the flames that slowly burned the wood of the coffin. The room was filled with sobbing and silent cries. It was just me that did not cry. My mind still had not gasped what I was seeing and experiencing. I was in denial mode. Denying that this is actually happening. Anna looked over to me and grabbed my hand and lightly squeezed it. Before I knew it a pot with ashes was handed to Tai's mother who hugged the ashes so tight as if she was hugging her son. Anna and Mr. Won escorted them out and I was left behind with Rain. I glanced over the fire that was dead by now and drifted off in my own thoughts.

"Hey we should head off aswell. Come on I will give you a ride", Rain said while looking at the dead fire aswell.

I turned to face him and nodded. He had teary eyes as the others. So he did care for Tai right? Why else would he be crying? Why would he be here? Because he had to? I pushed away the anger that was building inside of me. I was angry at him and me. At the end this all took. We walked over to his car in silence and headed off to the grave yard. We arrived at the same time as Tai's parents. By now all the guest had been waiting for us. Tai's parents placed the pot of ashes in the hole where he would be buried. Each of us wrote down a message on a white petal of a lilies and put it in the hole along with some white sand. I was the last one to do so. Some time passed and the guests started leaving. Tai's parents had booked a flight back home which was about to take off in a few hours. Anna and Mr. Won accompanied them to the airport. They needed time to heal and I could imagine that this would never really happen. Losing your child is brutal and time might never fix something that is so wrong in the first place. I walked back to his tomb stone after seeing his parents off. Jungkook followed me silently like a shadow. Yoongi did the same. BIG BANG had left after their management called for an emergency meeting. I stared at the fresh grave and struggled to breath. My chest hurt so bad.