Can I stay? (Gerard Way x Reader)

The Interview (15)

The car journey is relatively short and we arrive within 20 minutes. The guys were all just chatting to each other about what the interviewers might ask but I don't feel like talking.

My stomach is tying itself into tight knots and my breathing is getting faster. I look around at the guys and I try to take deep breaths.

We climb out of the car and we are lead into a large room with a set. I've never been on a set before. The back of my neck is getting sweaty from nerves and as we sit down on the red sofa dark thoughts start to enter my head.

The Interview starts and Gerard is sitting next to me answering most of the questions. I just sat and tried to smile through the nerves. Gerard reaches for my hand so I open my fists and allow it to be held. He squeezes gently and fingerspells the letters O K A Y ? on my palm. I look up at him and smile sort of silently thanking him for helping me stay calm.

Then the interviewer turns to me. He's a man in his early 40's wearing a classic nirvana t-shirt and some strange trainers. He turns to me and says "So Y/N right? The new member. Tell us how you came to join the band what you will bring to the music."

I smile and breathe a sigh of relief because this is the type of question I was hoping for. I smile and explain how through a series of unfortunate events ( Or fortunate I can't tell ) I was offered a spot. I explain how I sing and love to help people through music.

Frank looks at me and smirks as if he is proud of what I said. I blush and push a strand of my hair behind my ear. Then the interviewer looks me up and down and holds his microphone a little higher to his mouth.

"Oh, and do you think you've got what it takes to stay in the band?" he says. He says the question as if it was a threat and my palms go tense. Have I got what it takes. The dark thoughts come rushing back into my brain. There is no way that I am good enough. I'm useless. Nobody wants me. Im a broken piece of shit.

Suddenly it's getting hard to breathe and my head feels like it's spinning. Useless. Meaningless. Scumbag. My whole body is tense now and the panic is flowing through my veins. I haven't had a panic attack in a few weeks but this is the worst one I have had.. like ever. 

I can hear Frank answer for me saying "I'm sure she will be amazing". It is muffled though and everything is getting too much. The cameras, the lights, the colours. Useless. Meaningless. Scumbag. Worthless. Who wants you?

I hear a director yell a muffled "cut" and I sprint as fast as my legs.. well crutches can take me. I need to get out. I need to breathe. I need air. I tear down the stairs and open the door to a courtyard. I walk over to a corner and fall down onto my knees. I try to breathe. I need to breathe.

I hear footsteps running over to me but I can't focus through the voice in the back of my head. I feel like I'm drowning in my own mind. HELP