Grounded (66)

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A/N - I am so sorry I haven't updated in ages guys and I know I say that every time but I've missed writing this I really have. Recently I have been through some tough family shit that's completely change how I will live from noe on, Plus I'm the lead role in my school musical (I don't know how) and the performance is soon so rehersals are intense. I have started having therapy sessions again following the family shit and everything is making me super stressed recently. I have written actually quite a lot but it was during a few mental breakdowns so I need to go back and edit everything. I love you guys and if you ever need anything then you can talk to me. Thank you for reading. Killjoys live on! xx

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I forget everything, all the problems, all the worries gone with every hair flip I do along with Ray's crazy guitar skills. I thought this set would be mostly acoustic but it's surprisingly upbeat and the guitar and bass souns awesome. I jump around onstage feeling so in my element, god I have missed this so much. Everyone in the garden is jumping around and enjoying themselves. I look out at the small crowd of fans and they look so genuinely happy it makes me smile. Only a few people are recording this and in this day and age that means people really must be enjoying themselves. 

After a few songs we sit down on some stools on the stage and just talk to the people. They ask us some questions and we share some stories. Oli looks a little awkward sitting next to me as nobody really knows who he is but the fact that I'm next to him makes the fans trust him more. I'm looking through the crowd at everyone's smiling faces and the clothes they are wearing. They are all reminding me of my childhood and how I went with my dad to loads of concerts and stood there giddy jumping around to the beat and taking blurry photos on my super old phone. 

Gee picks a girl from the audience to ask the next question and she stands up blushing and and everyone around her stays quiet so she can talk. 

"So first of all hello my name is Gracie and I really love your music. My question is which two of you get along the best? Like you obviously all get along super well but is there two of you that are like super best friends and get along extra well. Sorry this is a weird question I just wondered" she asks turning bright red. She looks at the ground and I almost feel sorry for her because I know how crappy being embarrased feels. 

Frank laughs and Mikey starts by saying that as him and Gee are brothers they get along really well sometimes but other times they argue and want to kill each other.Frank looks at Gerard and says that they get on really well. Yup we know that by now, Frank and Gee like to put on a show for the audience. Ray shrugs his shoulders and and says he gets on with everyone which is true because he is the least mean person ever. Then eyes turn on me and I have to clear my throat and say my part.

"I honestly love all these guys because they brought me out of a really shit position. I mean they literally saved my life and when my parents were gone even though we were still practically strangers they helped me through that and dealt with me being upset and crying. They held my hand while I went through my most depressive episodes and I don't know where I would be without them. I.." I can feel myself tearing up and I just let it happen and I let them flow down my cheek.

"They are all the best people I have ever met and I would be nothing without them. There isn't anyone I get along with particularly because they're all just great" I laugh through my tears and I can hear people going aww in the audience. Ray comes over to me and gives me a hug followed by Mikey and then Gee and Ray and even Oli joins in. It's just one big huggy mess and I can hear the camera snaps from all the fans around us and I let it happen. This is one of those moments where I want a photo to remember because it's special and it makes me feel so amazing.

We release and Frank shouts "How about a little meet and greet! Form a line and we will take photos with everyone" he grins like a maniac. Frank genuinley loves meeting people and it makes him even crazier than normal. We went on for ages hugging people and sharing little stories. People who had already met us were leaving and adding new friends contacts to their phones. I couldn't believe how amazing everyone was being!

Oli went back to the apartment because he felt out of place and I gave him my key to go. A few girls wearing jumpers ask if they could give me a letter and I know I'm not supposed to take anything but I look at Frank and he gestures for me to put it in my pocket. We are coming to the end of the line and I am so tired but also full of happy energy and excitement. We've had a lot of guys come through, I mean we've had such a variety of different people in general it's amazing how music can affect the soul. 

There's always bound to be one though, there's always that on person who doesn't like you and that's just how it is. This girl comes along and hugs all the guys but when she comes to me and I lean in for a hug she just rejects it making me look stupid. She gets some autographs once again from the guys and turns to me while they sign her phone case. 

"Can I ask you a question?" she says squinting her eyes and looking me up and down. Sure, I say and nod my head because I have no reason to say no and I do not want a tumblr or twitter thread exposing how rude I am. It's annoying how toxic the internet can be sometimes.

"Why are you here? Like how did you get here? and Do you actually have depression? because from my perspective it seems like you're faking it for the attention. Everybody loves a damaged little insecure girl who got bullied don't they" she rolls her eyes at the end and I just stand there in shock bewildered and unsure of what to say. Faking depression. Are you fucking kidding me. 

"No, I am not faking depression and for you to even think or assume that is quite rude to be honest" I can feel my face going hot but I will not let this girl win. Not this time over something so stupid as her opinion. She suddenly squares up to me and grabs my collar. Before I can think to react she throws me to the ground and it was rather rough. I didn't think it would hurt much because the grass isn't hard or pointed or anything but it turns out she threw me into the side of the stage and now I'm sitting bleeding from a small wound on my arm and the side of my head. I don't even make a sound I just sit there until Gerard turns around and sees what happened. 

The girl who pushed me changes her attitude immediatley and becomes all soppy. "She fell and I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry I'll just take a photo and I'll be out of your way please" she flutters her eyelashes at the end. Of course she still wants a photo. Meanwhile the next people in line have come over to me with concerned faces and are trying to use tissues to help wipe some blood off. They are super nice and trying to tell me what they're names are and how they love our music. They stand on my side and say how much of a bitch that girl was while she is taking a photo with the guys. One of the girls tries to help me up but Gerard comes over nearly straight after the photo was taken. 

"Hey girls, thanks for the help, really but um.. could you just go over and talk to Ray and Mikey or Frank while I help Y/N. Thanks so much" he says kindly smiling at their merch. I can see them blush and walk toward Mikey grinning and looking happy that they helped. 

"Hey what happened" Gee says bending down and turning my head to see the cut. He frowns slightly and I know he still worries about me which is amazing after everything that I've done. I flinch a little from his touch just nervous but he just giggles and looks at me. Looks right into my eyes just like he used to and it feels .. great. It feels great. I smile and he gives me a hug. I bury my face into his shoulder. 

"Thank you for still caring" I whisper in his ear and he just grips me a little tighter. "I'll always care for you Y/N, I love you. I know things have been weird and I know you don't feel the same anymore but I really do still love you" he whisperes back to my surprise. 

"I'm sorry I fucked up" I say taking a breath in. He pulls me out of the hug and looks at me grinning, "You didn't do anything you know that" he grins. He leans in and for a second I think he is going to kiss me. Isn't that a bit soon? Idk I miss him and my heart hurts right now and I kind of want it but when he leans in he just plants a little kiss on the side of my neck and when Frnk looks over and sees instead of being mad he just smiles. It looks genuine too, like  aproper friendly Frank smile. Maybe things can be amazing again. 

Time to meet those amazing girls and go back to the apartment. I have a feeling things might be different tonight.



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