Lose you to Love me...

CHAPTER 4 ♡♡

Today feels different, you know that feeling that you get when you know something good is going to happen to you, it excites your heart and makes you anxious and a little impatient. that's how I've been feeling since I got out of bed. I even got about twelve texts from Shawn, asking if I was awake if I wanted him to pick me up for school, or if I had breakfast, I tell this guy just doesn't give up, I read all his texts and didn't reply, try to enforce the 'if I ignore him, he might go away strategy. I'm even considering blocking his number, but the rational part of me reminded me that if I did that then it will look like I'm scared, which is true, Rivers scares me, his bubbly personality scares me, the feelings that he brings along with him scare me, I would rather keep him away, but it's like God has other plans and who am I to change God's plans...

When did my life become soo out of control, I thought to myself to which my beautiful and supportive brain responded by saying...your life was never in control Jane and you know it...how does one gain control over their life, that is something I'd love to know because it feels like my life has always been handling me and not in the nicest ways. As I said, I knew something good was happening today and that was confirmed when I reached class, as I stood by the door deciding where to sit when I saw him, the pizza palace guy, his hair styled differently, he smiled at me and patted the seat next to him motioning for me to take a seat beside him.

That was all the invitation I needed, so I walked over and sat. "hie, I'm Jane -Tashley, but everyone calls me Jane "I said while extending my hands to him, he shook it with a smile, his hands felt soft, almost like mine, but for a guy, they were very soft, they reminded me of Jamie, in fact, this guy reminded of Jamie. 

"JAYDEN ADELAIDE KINGS. I knew you always came to class early so I took a gamble and arrived first and saved you a seat "he said calmly and while smiling, it was not a half smile it was a genuine smile, one you give to someone you liked talking to. 

"thank you, I tried looking for you when you left the pizza place but figured you had taken a car back or something, I was really disappointed "I admitted truthfully, before looking away, I didn't want him to see my embarrassed face, I wanted to keep him close, I felt connected to him.

"Sorry, I was in a hurry, I should've come and talked to you, is it weird that I feel like I know you, I feel like we've known each other for years, "he said I could see the redness on his neck indicating that he was embarrassed. 

" me too, I mean I saw you yesterday and it's like I was having a revelation of some sort, and I knew I wanted to know you, but then I thought you were gay and I was like, that's so cool... Wait.what!!?.. did I say that I wasn't supposed to say that out loud, okay, I'm going to keep quiet now before I say more rubbish "I said looking down, wishing the floor would open up and swallow me... He laughed really hard clutching his stomach which made some of the students who had arrived look our way, it was these moments that I wished I wore my hair down.

He kept laughing and when he finally gained composure and his face became serious looking "you think I am gay? "he asked seriously.

"w-what?..i mean yeah i thought that..i mean if you are then awesome, but if you aren't then that's cool too, I mean I have no problem with straight guys... "I said fiddling with my fingers wondering how I had managed to embarrass myself and ruin my chances of getting a friend.....

There's a certain Rivers boy who wants to be your friend....my brain reminded me. making me groan.

 "chill Tashie baby, I'm just fucking with you, you should have seen your face, so worth it," he said after composing himself. I playfully hit his arm,