JULY 2018
"I just want to be alone." John said, his voice cracking as he spoke. I didn't respond as he laid on his bed, his head buried under his pillow. My heart broke for him; it broke for my brother - this was all they wanted; all they had worked for, and now their dream was ripped away from them. I couldn't imagine how hard this must have been on them, but I was trying to be there for both of them. I placed my hand on his shoulder gently and he flinched, moving his shoulder away from my touch. "I said, I just want to be alone." He growled. Standing up from the bed, tears in my eyes, I walked across the room. Reaching for the door, I unlocked the latch and pulled it open. I only stopped myself from walking away when I heard him sit up. "Wait." He whispered. As I turned around, my heart broke once more. "Don't go." Sighing, I closed the door behind me and made my way back over to the bed. Sitting down on the edge, I held out my hand for him to take. "Stay with me." He said. "Stay with me tonight."
"I don't know, John." I sighed. John and I had only been seeing one another for the past month or so. It wasn't entirely serious, and nothing had happened, but we had spoken a lot. Harry, my older brother, had warned me to stay away from any of the boys on the squad, and initially, I'd felt awful that I'd gone against him. But, I liked John - he was a good lad, and if Harry really loved me, he'd be happy for me and John to keep seeing one another. Since being in Russia, we hadn't spent a great deal of time together, in fear of being caught by the press.
"Please."
I sighed once more. It wasn't that I didn't want to stay with John, but I knew exactly what was going to happen, I wasn't sure if I was ready for that yet. Usually, I wasn't such a prude, and didn't wait before I slept with a guy - but John wasn't just any guy; he was my brother's best friend. If I slept with John, that tied us into some unbreakable bond. I'd spend the next few years feeling uncomfortable about the fact I'd slept with my brother's team mate, and I could never attend a football match again. But, who was to say things would go wrong?
"I don't want to be alone." He said. I smirked to myself. Make up your mind.
"John, I just don't know if it's a bit soon."
"No one has to know." He said, shaking his head. "Nothing has to happen."
His tone was genuine as he spoke.
"I just can't be alone."
I sighed. "Fine." I nodded. "Let me call Dais to bring me up my pyjamas."
"You can sleep in some of my clothes." He rushed out of bed, as if he were scared I'd leave if he wasn't quick enough. Throwing me a t-shirt, he gestured towards the bathroom. Smiling at him, I trotted into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. John had never seen me without makeup before, and as I stood over the sink, washing the makeup from my face, I examined every inch of my skin, scared for him to see me in this state.
Opening the door, I made my way back out into the bedroom. John had turned off the main light, and now the only thing lighting my way was the small light placed on the bedside table. I climbed under the duvet next to him and wrapped my arm around his torso. I felt him exhale as I moved myself closer to him and I also released a breath I didn't know I had been holding.
"Goodnight, John."
"Goodnight, beautiful."
"And John?"
"Yeah?" He asked, his voice just a mumble.
"I'm so proud of you."
He didn't respond, and within minutes, the sound of snoring echoed through the room. We were all exhausted, and I couldn't blame him for falling asleep so quickly. I pressed a kiss to his temple, before rolling over and picking up my phone from the bedside table. Opening my messages, I began replying to a few. Harry had text me an hour ago; "love you lots Pheebs x" Smiling to myself, I tapped a reply, which went on for much longer than I intended - "I love you too, slab head. I'm so proud of you and all the boys and it's honestly meant the world to me that I could be here with you, cheering you all on. And I know you don't entirely appreciate me and John seeing one another, but I'm so grateful that you're being so supportive xx"
Locking my phone, I smiled to myself, and laid back down on my pillow. It had been a hard day.
I awoke the next morning to the sound of someone banging on John's door. Throwing my legs from the bed, I rushed to answer it before they woke up John. As I pulled open the door, there stood my brother, a confused, yet content look on his face. I glanced down at the floor.
"Just the person I was looking for." He smiled.
"How did you know I was here?" I asked, embarrassed.
"We've just been knocked out of the World Cup - I wouldn't expect you to be anywhere else."
"He asked me to stay-"
"You don't have to explain yourself." He chuckled. "I was hoping we could have a chat..."
"About what?" I asked.
"Shall we go for breakfast?"
I nodded.
As we made it to the breakfast restaurant, I followed my brother across the large room. There were hundreds of people across the space, sitting and talking with their friends and families. Harry and I made our way to an empty table and sat down. Ordering our breakfast, we sat in silence, both waiting for the other to speak. My brother finally spoke. "So, I just thought you and me should sit down properly and talk about you and John... I know it's none of my business what is going on between the two of you, but I want to support you. You know it's not the most ideal of situations for me, but if you're happy then that makes me happy. Yeah, it's weird that one of my baby sisters is seeing my best friend, but he's a good lad and he'll treat you good too."
"We haven't made anything official." I said, shaking my head.
"I know." He nodded. "What I'm saying is, if you wanna make it official, you have my blessing."
"Thank you." I smiled - a real, genuine smile.
Finishing my breakfast, I said my goodbyes to Harry and made my way up to the hotel room. As I walked into the room, I smiled to myself, seeing John still fast asleep across the bed. I sat down on the edge of the bed and touched his arm gently. He started to stir, and as he rolled over, he smiled at me, holding out his arms. I laid back down next to him and moved myself closer, placing a small kiss on his lips. "Good morning, gorgeous." He said, his voice husky.
"Good morning." I smiled, "So I've been for breakfast with Harry this morning..."
"How is he doing?" He asked.
"Fine." I nodded. "He just wanted to talk about you and me."
"What was said?"
"That he supports whatever we want to do." I smiled.
He pulled me even closer, wrapping his arms around me as tight as possible.
"I'm so glad."
