Request.
"That sounds like a good idea, right babe?" Rosie
asked John. He was in a daze. She tapped him on the arm, snapping him from his daydream. "Kyle said about us all going away somewhere for the weekend now the season has finally finished."
"Oh, yeah." John nodded, smiling. She knew he wasn't really paying attention to them.
She'd only just begun to notice, and she felt awful that she hadn't noticed before. Watching as the boys laughed and joked with one another, he held himself back. He didn't speak. He didn't laugh. He listened.
When the invite was there to go out and get drunk with the lads, he turned it down to spend the night indoors. Every time. He'd go to bed early, and get up late. He'd lay in the darkness when he didn't want to move, staring at the ceiling. She couldn't remember the last time they had sex - which wasn't like John.
"I think we're gonna get going now." She said to the group. "We've gotta get up early tomorrow; my mum's coming to visit so we need to sort the house out." The pair said their goodbyes and made their way out to the car. John didn't speak until they were sat inside the car, his stare fixed on the road outside.
"Is your mum really coming?" He asked.
"No." Rosie shook her head. "I could just tell you didn't want to be there." He finally glanced over at her, his eyes glossy. "Hey, baby, what's the matter?"
"I don't know." He whispered as the tears started to fall from his eyes. "I don't know anymore, Ro." Rosie picked up his hand in her own and kissed it. She felt her own eyes become glossy as she watched him cry. He looked so helpless.
"Come on, let's get home." She smiled weakly. "We can talk then, okay?" He nodded as she started the engine and they made their way home.
It didn't take long, and before they knew it they were sat in their living room. "I feel stupid talking about it." He admitted. "And you can imagine how stupid I feel for crying over it." He laughed lightly. Rosie stroked his cheek gently, his skin still damp from the few tears falling from his eyes. "I just feel down. I don't feel myself and I've been feeling like it for a while." He started crying again. He felt ridiculous; Rosie had never seen him cry and it was breaking her heart.
"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked.
"Because I'm meant to be the one looking after you, and how can I do that when I feel like this? I feel so miserable, Ro. I don't know what to do with myself anymore." Rosie moved from her seat and threw her arms around him, holding him as tightly as she could whilst he cried.
"I never expected you to be this big tough guy footballer. You're my John and all I care about is you being happy. If you're not happy I can help you. That's what I'm here for."
"I'm not happy." His voice cracked as he dropped his head into his hands. "I just want to be with you all the time. I want to be laid up in bed with you next to me, and I want to be there day in, day out. I feel so needy and pathetic-"
"You are not pathetic." Rosie said, "You are kind, and you're caring. You're great at what you do and you're an inspiration to so many people. You're the love of my life and the light in so many others. Do you know how proud your mum and dad are of you? God, John, your mum cries at every game we go to. And think of little Poppy. What would she do without her uncle Johnny?"
A small smile crept onto his face.
"See, look at that smile. You know we'd all be completely lost without you." Rosie smiled. "Why don't I call my sister and see if she can bring Pops over tomorrow for a while? We can go for a walk and take her to the park and stuff." John nodded. "How long have you been feeling like this?"
"A long time." He admitted. "And it's just getting progressively worse. When I got injured it really didn't help. You were at work and I just had so much time to sit and stew over everything."
"Baby." She pouted. "I so wish you'd said something. I can't believe you've suffered in silence for so long."
"You've been busy with work, I didn't want to bother you. And I know you used to struggle before, I didn't want to burden you with everything and make you feel all crap again."
"I am never too busy for you." Rosie said, her voice becoming a whisper as she started to cry. "You come before everything. There is nothing or no one I would put before you. If you need me John, then you need me. Just like you're there when I need you."
"What did I do to deserve you?" He asked, wiping his face then using his thumb to wipe away the tears from under Rosie's eyes.
"Shut up." She chuckled. "Shall we go and get into bed? I could do with a cuddle." She suggested. John smiled, nodding at her. "You go up, I'll make us a cuppa and I'll be up in a minute. Do you want anything else?"
"Maybe biscuits." John smirked.
"Biscuits it is."
Rosie climbed into bed next to John and he wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. "Thank you." He whispered.
"For what?" She asked, rolling over to face him.
"For everything."
"You don't need to thank me." She said. "It's what I'm here for. If I wasn't here for you then I'd be a pretty shit girlfriend."
"I love you, Ro." He muttered. "But you forgot the biscuits."
