Only a short one.
I sat in my car in the University of Manchester carpark. I'd contemplated turning around and driving home many times, but Lauren was moving to America in a week, and I'd never forgive myself if I didn't see her one last time before she left. It had only been ninety seven days since we broke up, but it felt like a lifetime since I last held her.
The breakup was mutual; not a sour occurrence. She had graduated from university with First degree honours in Performing Arts a little over a month ago, and her next step was to move to America and pursue a career in acting. The both of us agreed that with my football, it would be too hard to maintain a long distance relationship, and we made the mutual decision to end the three year relationship. It broke my heart, but staying together whilst living on opposite sides of the globe would break my heart more.
Today was the day of her cohort's final university performance. They were putting on a showcase for all of the students' friends and families; Lauren had invited me before we broke up, and even once things had ended, I still had every intention of attending - not that she knew that. The performance had started twenty minutes ago, and here I sat, my legs frozen as I tried to get myself out of the car. Was I going to embarrass myself? Would she want me there?
"Man up, John." I said to myself, taking a deep breath and climbing out of the car. Putting my keys away in my pocket, I made my way towards the auditorium. The halls were long, but I could hear the sound of crowds cheering as I searched for the door. Here it was. I stood before the large oak doors, still contemplating turning back. I took another deep breath, before pulling open the doors and making my way into the hall. Luckily, there was a spare seat in the back row, and I sat down, attempting to hide myself from anyone on the stage's view. A group of boys were performing; a song from Fame the Musical. I recognised the song, but I didn't care about them - I wanted to see my Lauren.
As they cleared from the stage, a new group of students appeared. I scanned their faces, until I saw her.
I sighed to myself l, a smile creeping onto my cheeks. She looked so happy. She looked well. I sat back in my chair and watched as the performance began. She was only part of a choir, but her voice still shone above everyone else's. She'd always had an amazing voice; singing was her favourite thing to do, and my god, she was a little performer. At bars, she was always the first up on the karaoke, and she didn't go for the classic songs - she'd go for the ballads, and blow everyone away. I felt sad as I watched her. Did she miss me?
After the song had finished, a woman appeared on stage.
"For the first solo performance, we have Lauren Peters, with a song chosen by herself. Lauren states that this song means a lot to her, and reminds her of someone special in her life."
My heart started to race.
She appeared on stage once more. As she took the microphone in her hand, the music started to play. My god.
Standin' on the platform
Watching you go
It's like no other pain
I've ever known
To love someone so much
To have no control
You said, "I wanna see the world"
And I said, "Go"
But I think I'm lost without you
I just feel crushed without you
I've been strong for so long
That I never thought how much I needed you
I think I'm lost without you
Strangers rushin' past
Just tryna get home
But you were the only
Safehaven that I've known
Hits me at full speed
Feel like I can't breathe
And nobody knows
This pain inside me
My world is crumbling
I should never have
Let you go
I think I held my breath for the entire song. Tears brimmed in my eyes as the song finished, and I watched her break down. I felt sick as I watched her turn to walk away, and I stood from my seat, a watery feeling in my mouth - I was going to be sick. As I rushed out of the auditorium, I felt like an idiot. As soon as the fresh air hit me, I burst into tears.
"Fuck sake." I groaned to myself.
I couldn't go back in there.
I couldn't face her.
I couldn't say goodbye to her. Not now.
I slowly made my way back to the car, my cheeks stained with tears. Climbing into the car, I slammed the door shut and turned on the engine.
Goodbye, Lauren.
I really do not like this but I wanted to get something uploaded today!
