So I received this request a few weeks ago and I was very hesitant as to how to go about it, or if I should write it at all. I've had lots of requests for pregnancies, but never a loss. I decided to go ahead and write it, because it is something that is close to my heart. I understand that it's a very taboo subject but I think it's important to be able to talk about it if you want to. So this is also a trigger warning: if pregnancy/baby loss is something you have suffered/someone you know has suffered from, please read at your own risk. Thank you.
I was sat in the study, my legs tucked up into my chest, John's hoodie keeping me warm. I'd been watching television for most of the day, waiting for John to get home from training. I'd been so needy recently; wanting him here with me all of the time, in eye sight so I knew he was okay. I felt sad when he wasn't here, and my mood was instantly lifted when he came home. I was struggling, and I really hated to admit it. He had been my rock this past week.
Hearing the front door open, I paused the tv and sat waiting for John to emerge in the door way. Within the minute, the door was opened and in walked not John, but my brother Jordan. He had a sympathetic look on his face, and as he held out his arms, I jumped up from the chair and threw my arms around him. He held me tightly, and the tears sprung to my eyes. I blinked a few times, in attempt to make them disappear, but it was no use; I started crying for what felt the millionth time today. It's okay." He whispered. He rubbed my back gently, not letting go of me as I cried into his shoulder. "It's okay. It'll be okay."
Jordan had always been a protective older brother. At school, I was known as 'Baby Pickford', the youngest of the Pickford siblings. I'd always been so appreciative of his love and care for me, and even today, I needed him for a shoulder to cry on. I could always rely on my brother.
"Where's Meg? Is she coming too?"
Megan was Jordan's fiancé. She was six months pregnant, and I'd been so excited for my niece or nephew to arrive in a few months time. Jordan and Megan had been together forever, and she'd become much like my older sister. I could turn to her about anything and I knew no judgement would be passed.
John appeared in the door way behind him, leaning against the door frame, a sad look on his face too. It had been a hard few days for all of us; I admired John for carrying on how he had. I most certainly hadn't just carried on. "Jordan's gonna stay here tonight." John said. "Megan's with her parents." I looked up at Jord and he nodded. I hugged him tighter as we continued our embrace. "He's going to stay for a few days until we have training at St. George's Park, then Meg's gonna come and stay for a little while so you're not alone."
"I'm so proud of you, Jess." Jordan said, "So, so proud."
"I just don't know how to cope. I can't bring myself to go back to work yet. I told John to go back to training so he could get out of the house but I don't want to see anyone. I just want to lay in bed all day." I frowned. The tears were flowing now. "I was so ready to be a-"
"Don't." John said. I pulled back and looked over at him. Suddenly his eyes were full of tears, and the look on his face broke my heart. He turned and walked from the room, disappearing through the house. Jordan looked down at me and nodded.
Chasing John through the house, I ran up the stairs to our bedroom, where I knew he'd be. Pushing open the door, he was sat on our bed, his face red from the crying. I frowned at him, holding out my arms as I walked over to him. We sat crying together, holding each other.
