After a long day of training, all I wanted to do was climb into bed with Kennedy and hold her until the two of us fell asleep. Standing in the bathroom, I splashed water on my face to cool me down, when I noticed an open box of tampons on the side of the bath behind me. My heart felt as though it broke in two; not because I was desperate for a baby, but because I knew Ken was.
It wasn't that I didn't want a baby; if it were to happen, it would be the best thing that happened to us, but I was a strong believer that everything happened for a reason, and I knew one day, Kennedy would make the most amazing mum. Kennedy on the other hand, longed for the day she could hold her own baby. Every month for the past four months, Kennedy was convinced that she was pregnant, and every month, days later, she came on her period. This month, she was over two weeks late, and was sure this month was our month.
Drying my face, I made my way into our bedroom, and I felt sad for the broken girl lying asleep in our bed. Her face was red and puffy, stained with tears. Pulling my shirt over my head, I dropped it to the floor and climbed in bed next to Kennedy. Lying next to her, I wrapped my arm around her, holding her as close as physically possible. She started to stir, her eyes slowly opening.
"Hey, gorgeous." I said as she rolled over to face me. As we caught eye contact, her bottom lip started to quiver and her eyes filled once more with tears. "Hey." I whispered, resting my chin on the top of her head and rubbing her back gently. She broke down as we embraced, and it killed me that I didn't have the words to make this better. "It will happen one day, babe. I promise. It won't be long now."
"Why not today?" She asked, her voice cracking as she sobbed. "Why won't it happen now? It's not fair, John!"
"Go to sleep, beautiful." I sighed. "Harry and Fern are coming up tomorrow; you don't want to be tired for that, do you?" She nodded, wiping her eyes and rolling over to face the other way. I kissed her shoulder gently before rolling over, pulling the duvet up to my neck. "I love you."
"I know."
I went to sleep that night heartbroken.
I hated that I couldn't make things better.
All I wanted was for Ken to be happy, and she wasn't.
I awoke the next morning, to a feeling of emptiness. I rolled over to face Kennedy's side of the bed, and she was gone. Starting to panic, I picked up my phone to call her, when I saw a text on the screen from her, sent two hours ago. 'I need some time alone. My head is all over the place and I just need space. I'll be home in a few hours. I love you lots.'
I felt my bottom lip start to quiver. What if she didn't come back? What if it was my fault she hadn't fallen pregnant yet? I tapped a reply to her, my hands shaking as I typed as fast as I could. 'I love you so much, Ken. Please don't ever forget that. One day you're going to be the best mum for our children and I can't wait for the day I can come home from training and hold you all whilst we watch TV and drink our hot chocolate. But for now, I need you. I want to hold you and tell you everything is okay. Take some time, but don't let this mess with your head. We're in this together, babe. See you soon x'.
I laid back down and closed my eyes, hoping that I could sleep away the next few hours, and Kennedy would be home. It took me a while to get back to sleep, but the next thing I remembered was waking up and looking at the clock.
1:54pm.
I shot up from my bed and rushed out into the hallway, hoping I'd hear Kennedy walking around downstairs. When I couldn't, I made my way down the stairs and into the living room. There she was.
"Hey, baby." I said, crouching down beside her as she lay across the sofa. "Why didn't you come upstairs?"
"I didn't want to disturb you." She said, reaching out and touching my cheek. "Sorry for running away." She sighed. "It'll happen one day. I just see everyone around us having babies, living the perfect life, and it makes me sad. But I've done some thinking. I've got the best boyfriend, and I have got the perfect life. I couldn't ask for anything more, and one day, we'll have a baby and we'll have the perfect little family. Maybe not next year, maybe not the year after. One day, we'll have made it."
"One day." I smiled. "One day."
"I love you." She whispered.
"I love you too." I pecked her on the lips. "Can I ask you a question?" She nodded at me. "I've been wondering for a while, but I was a little scared to ask, but now feels like the right time. I don't have a ring or anything, but will you marry me?" A smirk appeared on her face.
"Yeah, why not." She smirked back at me.
One day.
