This is another one that I'd written to be part of a fanfic but once again, didn't get time to write anything else, so here you go.
John's presence accompanied many of my 'firsts'. Back when we were kids, he was my first friend, my first kiss. We'd grown up together, our parents friends throughout their childhoods. As we grew into teenagers, he was the first person I slept with, my first love. Our relationship hadn't developed until our early twenties, when our jobs had reunited us in Liverpool, where John played for Everton. I remember the night we decided to meet for a drink; we spoke about our 'firsts', laughing about the time we had sex, before he climbed out of my bedroom window. We were sixteen, and my dad would have killed him, but we didn't care. We were young and the thought of the adrenaline pumping through my veins made me smile, even today, some eight years later. He took me on a few dates, and not long after my twentieth birthday, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I could finally admit to him; I'd loved him all those years ago. We laughed. We swore we'd be together forever - I moved to Manchester with him when he got his transfer, and things were going great. Until about a month ago, things started turning sour.
The arguments erupted. My god, they erupted. We'd fight all the time, time he spent at away games putting obstacles between us. I didn't blame him, but I couldn't cope. We rarely saw one another, and when we did, nothing but bitter words were exchanged, as John decided to sleep in the spare room. We made the mutual decision to break up, and my god, my heart was broken.
I had no one to talk to. John's friends were my friends. John's family were my family. My parents were being so supportive, but they were back home in Barnsley, and I was working in Manchester. I felt alone, and I didn't know what to do, who to vent to. So, I took to social media. Everyone knew John and I had broken up. I received hundreds of comments every day, some nice, some nasty. I tried to ignore the bad ones, taking comfort from the supportive ones.
"To the girl who is lucky enough to be his 'next'. He cares. He cares so much about you, even though you might not see it sometimes. My god, he cares so much. He's jealous. He's so damn jealous and it will annoy you. Fuck, it'll annoy you so much, but he just wants you for himself. It means he loves you. He's scared of the dark, and that's when the nightmares start. Hold him and don't let him go. He needs you, more than you'll ever know. Be there for him, he'll be there for you, and it'll make you the happiest you've ever been. Make him laugh. His laugh is infectious, and you'll both laugh until your stomach hurts. His sense of humour is like no one's I've ever met. He's funny. Funnier than he knows. He's insecure. So heartbreakingly insecure, and he probably always will be. Tell him he's perfect. He's beautiful. At every second, in every day, in every light, he's beautiful. Make sure he knows. Show him you love him. Show him off. Kiss him in the morning, at lunch time, at night, in the rain, at parties, in public. Kiss him. You won't ever forgive yourself if one day you can't kiss him and all you want is the feeling of his lips against your own. Last of all, please, please, don't break his heart. Break his heart and it'll end up breaking yours twice as hard. You'll never forget the look on his face as he finally accepts it's all over. The feeling of his arms holding you against him for the last time. The sound of his car driving away for the last time. Love him. Because he'll love you, so so much. He'll love you more than anything on this planet, and don't ever take him for granted.
To anyone who needs to hear this. Not everything is meant to last forever. Sometimes, people come into your life, create beautiful memories, teach you to love yourself, show you how to be truly happy, and then it's their time to leave. Not everyone is going to stay forever, but make sure you thank them for everything they have taught you.
To him. Thank you. You know how I feel, and the memories that I keep replaying in my head. I break my heart again every day, looking through the photos, and reading all of the texts. I continue to break my heart, just for a slight moment of happiness when I read your messages, and briefly forget that it's all over. But it won't last forever. Someday, and it might not be any day soon, but someday, we will forget about all of this. I will forget how you looked at me, and I will stop thinking about you every second of the day. I will stop wishing for you to come back. I will forget all the little things you said, and they will become a distant memory. We will never be too far from one another, but one day, I will forget. Someday, none of this will matter anymore, but for now, know you were a huge part of my life, and for that, I am so thankful.
Thank you for being my first heartbreak."
