29 - Accept yourself

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Dressed in black by Sia

Better than i know myself by Adam Lambert 

~*~

There's the sound of the phone buzzing in the desk, the sound of someone shouting from outside the door while hitting on the wood hard and there's the sound of loud thoughts on Louis' mind. He only listens to the last noise, everything else is in silence because there isn't the noise he wants to hear around him.

Harry's voice.

The nerves he is feeling are surrounding his heart and taking care of his emotions, however he is just emotionless on the outside and with no one to hold him around.

It seems hard to believe but it's been like this for half an hour now.

"When we get out of the car don't say a word and go home."

There was no time to protest about it, there was no strength to fight for it but there was space to the awful feeling of guilt, fear and disappointment. Disappointment on himself because once again he let his best friend down, he let himself down and ran away. Ran away while that young and broken boy next to him stood up for both and let everyone believe that he has no fear of braveness.

Louis could write down all the things he could have done differently but that would only make himself feel worst. But it's true, if he hadn't kissed Harry there his parents wouldn't see, if he had charged his phone before the trip he would have answered his mother's calls saying that Harry's father came to his door shouting and asking for his son, if he hadn't been weak and get ready two hours earlier he would be home sooner and Harry's parents would come back minutes later, in time for both of them get ready. But there was no way to guess that they would come today but Louis doesn't think about it. Can only think about if he hadn't invited Harry for that trip they wouldn't get caught, get caught together with their bags on the backseat, with a new tan, with new marks... kissing.

And Harry was happy. Harry was so fucking happy but Louis saw... Louis witnessed the moment his whole happiness fell with Louis' heart along. He watched how Harry's dimple faded, how his eyes lost the glow, how he became so tense on his seat looking back at his parents and how his voice changed. It all happened in a sequence of three seconds and that was just so heart-breaking.

Louis wanted to stay, to say no and protest with whatever he had, he wanted to drive and take Harry away from there... he wanted to run away but Harry didn't. He managed to keep being brave for his own sake and Louis kept being the coward, the coward friend who couldn't even ge+t out of the car and stand up from his best friend. Maybe even calling his mom, asking for help, even if it sounds exaggerating he knows it isn't.

He is so afraid of what Harry's parents can do to him, what they can say to him... what they can change. They can change everything, they have such a power... they have the power to change Louis' life and he didn't think much about it until now.

They can be hurting Harry emotionally and physically now and he wouldn't know and wouldn't be able to help. They can be yelling at Harry and saying that he will be stuck in that house again that Louis won't be able to take him away from there. They can be destroying Louis and Harry's life by telling his son that he will never be able to see his best friend again that Louis will still think that they're one and tomorrow he'll have green eyes looking at him and beautiful lips kissing him and whispering sweet nothings.

He is oblivious of everything, even of what Harry's parents are able to do.

What will be their limit? What will be Harry's limit? And when will they reach it?

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