» this chapter is shorter than the usual and i know it's kinda stupid and sucks so let me apologise right at the beginning. next one will be better i promise, i was just a bit lost to what to write on this chapter to skip some time in the story.
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Louis learnt so many things through the years with Harry and maybe that's why he is obsessed with the younger boy. He's obsessed with learning more and more from him. Another detail of his body, another gentle touch that he might need but didn't realise sooner, another colour that he never imagined it could exist, another thing to start to love... Louis is already in that state where anything can't be denied, he just confesses everything, he isn't afraid of his feelings and of what their friendship is.
So he loves being horribly straightforward. He loves sending reckless text messages –because how reckless can a form of digitized communication be? –, telling Harry he loves him and that he is an absolutely magical human and cannot believe he really exist. He loves saying, kiss me harder, and you're a good person, and, you brighten my day. He wants to live his life as straight-forward as possible.
Because one day, he might get hit by a bus. Harry might disappear. They might follow different steps.
Maybe it's weird. Maybe it's scary. Maybe it seems downright impossible to just be—to just let him know he wants him, needs him, feel like, in that very moment, he will die if he doesn't see that boy, hold him, touch him in some way whether it's his feet on his thighs on the couch or his tongue in his mouth or his heart in his hands.
But there is nothing more beautiful than being desperate, Louis thinks.
And there is nothing more risky than pretending not to care, his mom once said.
They're young and they're human and they're beautiful and Louis knows he is not as in control as he thinks he is.
We never know who needs us back. We never know the magic that can arise between ourselves and other humans.
We never know when the bus is coming.
Louis hopes it's still far away or when that day comes Harry will be there to save him from not being killed, not letting him disappear because Harry might – definitely –feel the same way, he might be scared of that same bus, that's why when he kisses Louis it feels like he's doing it as if it is the last time he'll do that. Last time touching him. Last time seeing him. Last time just being there. And even if Louis fears it –fears being consumed with that terrible feeling –he enjoys it. He appreciates the love.
"In 20 years I won't remember today; that scares me." Harry suddenly says breaking the silence from a cold night.
They're laid down on Louis' bed, it's 3am and Louis is tired. School started for a while now and he keeps trying his best because it's their last year of high school and maybe he is feeling the pressure too much.
He thinks Harry is too. He never seemed too stressed out with school because he was always good at classes and exams and that studying thing. But this year seems different, he looks tired as well and they're only in the beginning of November. Louis likes to believe it's school, because it seems like a better excuse... but he knows that it's not the main reason.
Harry wasn't supposed to sleep at Louis' tonight since they have school tomorrow and even if they sleep better together the fact that they only fall asleep around this hour doesn't help. But the thing is, Louis couldn't deny Harry when he called him crying. He is getting used to it again, it's not always because Harry's parents fight with each other or with him, tonight wasn't that. Tonight Harry said I miss you and I feel sad. It would be good listening to the first part if it didn't come with the second one and tears.
