All I Have To Give

Pretty Wings

Howie Pov

For a while I stood in my new place, brown boxes waiting to be opened all around.

I go and lookout from the balcony contemplating my current situation. My mind begins to race with memories that no longer matter.

I'd try to finish unpacking, but I just couldn't focus...

It wasn't even that I couldn't focus, it was that I know I can't forget.

I know that she'd forget soon enough, I can't even give myself that much credit.

She'd be with someone else and I'd just have to deal with it.

I walk back inside and place a small tattered box of mildly bent photos on the coffee table. I hadn't even realized I still had them in my hand. I just sit there, not sure if I should open it and cause myself anymore agony.

********

I called over my closest friend to help me sort out unresolved emotions, a good dose of tough love wouldn't hurt too much right now. As long as I feel something other than bitterness, I'm okay.

When he came over we just began to unpack the rest of my stuff quietly not acknowledging the elephant in the room.

There's a permeable silence hanging between us in the living room and I begin to regret calling him over to this pity party.

My anxiety gets the best of me and I have to take a seat.

I don't really know how any of this happened.. One minute we're picking out baby names, planning on getting married and the next I'm moving out of her place.

I'm literally moving into our house by myself.

Out of nowhere I ask AJ desperately "What went wrong?"

He sighed and sort of shrugged "Maybe you just met the right girl at the wrong time."

"What? Why would th--"

He cuts me off "Think about it."

AJ moves to sit beside me "Everything might have seemed perfect, but deep down one of you guys was getting the short end of the stick. It's your job now to find out who."

I look down at my hands and my eyes drift over to the box of dated Polaroids.

He continues "Were you ready for her? If I'm correct, you let her go and then you left. Why would you do that?"

I run my hands through my hair and breakdown "Yes I did and I-I don't know why. Maybe I felt like I wasn't the right one for her. I had to let her go because, I couldn't give her the love she deserved."

AJ firmly pats my back "I've been down this road before and I know you still have time to make it right. Do what I couldn't. Tell her how you feel."

"What if she doesn't want to talk to me? J I screwed up big time."

"Just try. At this point, the that can happen is she doesn't pick up the phone." He pulls me into a hug "The next time I get put of my Ex's you have to help me pack. Deal?"

I laugh a little and wipe my eyes "Deal."

**********

An hour or so passes and I sit on the floor looking through old pictures ruminating before getting the courage to call her.

I let out a breath and press her name.

My mind rapidly thinks "Please pick up, please pick up, please pick u-'"

"Howie?"

My heart races "I love you."