Addicted

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"I woke up and you weren't next to me." He glanced over and gave me a small, slightly embarrassed smile. "I missed you."

Yep, killed me dead. My heart just exploded inside my chest.

"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you but you sleep too late for me." I let out a soft giggle, my eyes darting between his own.

 His room was still blacked out with the curtains, but the silver part of his eyes seemed to almost be glowing, keeping my gaze locked on his.

He drew his bottom lip into his mouth, and started chewing on it.

"Yeah, I tend to do that. Sorry."

 I shrugged. "It's fine. I just couldn't stay in the bed that long." Even though it was really nice, lying there with his arm around me.

 "Chloe..." I looked at him, scared of what he was going to say. "I heard you talking with Kat and Devyn."

 I gulped. Actually gulped.

"Uumm...wh-what did you hear? It isn't polite to eavesdrop on people's conversations." My voice sounded irritated and harsh.

 He raised his eyebrows at me, surprised by my tone.

"It wasn't on purpose. I got up to to come find you. Usually, I would still be in bed right now but.." He let out an annoyed sigh, and mussed his hair again. "Anyways, you were talking when I walked up and I heard you. You're worried about being another notch in my belt. That's what you said, right? That you were worried about becoming just another conquest." He looked at me with both anger and sadness in his eyes.

Colby took my hand in his, looking down at them joined together before looking back up at me.

 "I hate that you feel that way. You aren't just another conquest Chloe. I didn't think of them as conquests anyways. Just a means to an end. I used them, and I know that. I'm not proud of it, but I did. It's not like that with you. You mean something to me." He was grasping my hand now, holding it tighter, as he stared into my eyes, like he was trying to force me to believe him.

 I wanted to. So badly...but I was scared.

"I want to believe you Colby, I really do." I closed my eyes for a moment to try and gather myself, to say what I wanted to say without his eyes distracting me.

 When I opened them, my eyes met his again and I wanted nothing more than to erase the pained look off of his face.

"I'm just scared, okay? I told you that my last relationship hurt me. It hurt me bad. Broke me to where I didn't think that I would ever love anyone ever again, or even want to try...but then you came along." I smiled a little, then looked down and started playing with the rings on his fingers. "You came along with your fucking attitude, your mean words," I looked back up at him. "And those damn eyes...you took me by surprise. I don't know what's going on. I feel like my chest has cracked open, letting you inside. I didn't want to let you inside, but you crept your way in and now...I can't bear the thought of you not being there." I looked back down, embarrassed that I had just said all of that.

 I didn't mean to, but once I started, the words kind of poured out. I felt his fingers on my jaw, bringing my face back up so that our eyes met again.

"Are you saying that you love me Chloe?" His expression was confused.

 I licked my lips and watched his eyes glance down to my mouth, then back to my eyes.

 "I don't know. It's too soon for that right? I just..." I pulled away from his hand, and he let it fall down into his lap. "I don't know what's going on. It's all so intense...and so fast. I can't keep up and I'm scared."

He nodded. "Yeah...it's fast...but I feel the same way."

 He looked so unsure of himself when those words left his lips, I honestly wanted to just jump in his lap and show him how I felt...but I didn't.

"How do you feel Colby? I need to know because I'm so scared right now, I can barely breathe. I know that there are a lot of things going on in this house and in your life that I don't know about and I can deal with that, for now. I can't deal with doing this thing with you and thinking that I'm going crazy because my brain is telling me one thing, while my heart is telling me another. I just-"

 My voice broke, cutting off into a sob.

The tears came, even though I fought them with everything in me. I hated to seem weak or like some stupid emotional female. I hated it so much.

I wiped my eyes and met his gaze head on.

"I need to know what is going on with us. I know it's fast and it's only been a fucking day. I know this seems crazy and maybe it is. You make me crazy...but I need to know regardless. Tell me what you're feeling Colby...or tell me it's all in my head. If it's not real, I can leave now and work on putting myself back together, because I'm afraid that you've already destroyed me. God help me, I think I love you."

The pained expression came back to his face when I said that, and his arms came around me, pulling me close to him. I buried my face in his chest, inhaling his scent.

"Chloe, I have very strong feelings for you and I don't understand them either. I've talked to Sam and....as much as I try to deny it, I think he's right. I think...I think that I'm," He sighed, and pulled me back so that he could look me in the eyes again. "Sam said that I'm falling in love with you, and damn it all, I think he's right. Even with Emilie...it wasn't like this. It was comfortable, and sweet." I looked down, unable to stop the tears again, but he pulled my jaw up. "With you, it's like a damn hurricane, destroying everything that I thought I knew about myself, and leaving a giant mess that I don't know what to do with. Everything is always so intense with you, and it's hard for me to control the dark side of myself...but I want to. For you."