Addicted

88 (Colby's POV)

"I feel like there's something you aren't telling me about Emilie. Can you tell me or should I just mind my own fucking business?" Her eyes were nervous darting in between my own.

Here we go.

I took a deep unneeded breath.

"She didn't die in a car accident. I actually killed her." She sucked in a sharp breath between her teeth. "I didn't know how to control myself yet. I mix feeding with sex." I felt all of those old emotions brimming to the surface. "I tried to tell her that I wasn't ready, but she trusted me. She told me that she wanted to be there for me in that way. I refused, until I couldn't anymore." My head dropped under tearful gaze. "I didn't mean to. I wish that I could take it back. She didn't want me feeding from someone else." I looked back up at her to see her fingers pressed over her lips. "We actually had been fighting, but I didn't cheat on her. I fed from random girls. It is an intimate act, although I didn't have sex with them. With her I did. The craving became too much and I couldn't stop myself. Not until she was limp in my arms. By then, it was too late."

 "Oh Colby," her hushed whisper reached my ears. "I'm so sorry. Was she your One? Is that why you cut yourself off?"

I shook my head, avoiding her eyes this time. "No, she wasn't my One. I just really loved her. I was a different person before I changed into this. Happy, nice to most people...Emilie used to tell me that I was goofy, whatever that means." A small smile crossed my face at the memory. "But then I turned, and my emotions were crazy. Everything was heightened, and anger was my main emotion. I didn't want to be what I was, what I am. I hated that I had to cut ties with my parents, hated that it was set up so that they believed I was dead. They had a funeral for me. An empty casket."

 "I'm so sorry. I know that must've been hard for you." Chloe leaned over into my chest, trying to give me some small comfort.

 This was harder than I thought it was going to be. The emotions were going crazy inside of my chest, almost like I was a newborn vamp.

I wrapped my arms around her, burying my face in her hair. Bad idea.

 I leaned away from her and gently shoved her away from me.

She looked up at me confused.

"It's too much right now." I replied, and got up to go sit on the other side of the room on the bed.

 She wrapped her arms around herself.

"Oh...I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "Don't be. It's not your fault that you're alive."

 "I know...I just wish that I could do something to make it easier." She said softly.

 I let out a dark short bark of laughter.

 "It'll never be easy Chloe. That's the problem. I don't think I can live without you, but I'm scared that I'll be the one to cause that."

Her eyes widened at my confession. "You won't." She replied.

 I rolled my eyes, a little upset at her stupidity.

"I could be. Why aren't you more afraid? Why don't you see how fucking dangerous this is for you? Are you fucking stupid, or do you just have a death wish? I KILLED EMILIE! I COULD KILL YOU TOO!" I was yelling by the time I finished, needing to let out some of the emotion coursing through me.

She needed to understand.

I expected her to shrink away or run out the door. I don't know why. Chloe never had been one to back down or to accept someone yelling at her.

I saw her eyes flash, and her beautiful face harden. She stood up and crossed the room so fast, I almost thought she was a vamp. Ha.

Her small hands were fisted, until she leaned towards me, and started poking me in the chest with her finger.

"You don't get to call me stupid! You don't get to tell me how scared I should be!" She poked harder, staring into my eyes.

 To be honest, it was pretty hot.

Her cheeks were flushed with anger, her pupils were blowing out, taking over the hazel part.

"If I want to fucking die by a vampire then so be it. That's my choice, just like it was Emilie's. That's not your fault. She knew the risks. She took the chance. If I want to do the same," She shoved me in the chest.

It would've probably knocked a normal man back, but I barely budged.

 "You" She shoved me again, and moved closer, standing in between my knees. "can't" She shoved me with both hands, and I let myself fall back onto the bed. "Stop me." She finished as she straddled my waist.

 This wasn't a good idea...but damn it, I was enjoying it.

My control was so much better than it had been...could I do this?

I stared up at her, feeling the craving course through me, but not allowing it to take over.

"Do you want to die?" I asked, seriously wondering if this crazy ass girl had a death wish.

She placed both of her hands on my chest, and smiled sadly.

 "No Colby. I just found you. Why would I want to leave you? I just want you to learn to trust yourself. A little at a time." She leaned down towards me, and pressed her lips to mine, softly.

I let her take control, so that I could concentrate on keeping a leash on the beast. Her tongue swiped over my bottom lip, then I felt her teeth nipping at it, asking for entrance. I wrapped my arms around her, and I opened, feeling her tongue lap against mine.

My hand trailed up her back, until I found her hair. I wrapped it around my fist tightly, and pulled just enough to make her feel it. I swallowed her gasp, inhaling the scent that was enveloping me again. This really wasn't a good idea.

I flipped us over, so that I was on top, so fast that she didn't have time to make a sound.

"This isn't a good idea Chloe. I can't do this without feeding. I don't think I'll be able to stop myself if I take your blood."

 "I don't believe that, but that's not what I'm asking."