Love at its Weakest [Completed]

The Sorrows

Hi everyone! This part is unedited, so... sorry! Anyway, I'd be preparing e-book copies available for download at ibooks, that's if you have apple products. Happy reading!

-------------------------------------anotherdreamer------------------------------------ 

Everything went blurry for me. The revelation about the Yin Yang was just too much. I hated the fact that there was a horrendous rule about falling in love. 

"Nate, that is not true, you can still love me like before. After all, Kevin died a few years back Besides, Gail and I are two very different people." I mentioned.

"Coe, I thought so too. But I was so wrong. Kevin physically passed away, but the black energy, the "Yin" is still alive and fighting to give balance to our worlds. Since Gail, I never loved any other girl. I never had girlfriends or flings. But I never dated Gail even after Kevin's death. The last time I saw her was during Kevin's funeral." 

"I-i don't understand." I said, really out of my league.

“Maybe you should get some sleep.” Nate nudged on my arm and led me back to my room. He lit the lamp up and tucked me on my bed like I was a school kid. Nate turned his back away from me and looked afar. His back painted huge silhouette on my blue walls. His brown hair shone atop. I knew it was really Nate, but in his different self. Nate over-powered by his energy, “Yang.”

I looked at him as he leaned at my door. His back was laid flat before my eyes. I did not want to let go of the moment.

“Nate, how did Kevin die?” I asked, tears were pooling in my eyes. I knew I already was in the moment which I have dreaded the most. I lost both Nathan and Kevin all at once.

Nate did not bother to look at me. It pained me to reminisce that just hours before, we were both lying on the same bed, thinking about how we’d confess about the discreet feelings we had, and at that particular moment, we both knew there was nothing more to save, cause there was no “us” anymore. It was obvious that there was pain in his heart.  But despite all the obvious pain, Nate managed to answer.

“He was murdered.” He gave me a long brief pause after his answer, a sign of his respect. “Prepare yourself, Coe. I’ll be with you to California tomorrow. I asked Linda to take care of your things. Goodnight Colette.”

Those were his last words. I saw him stride away and I had a peek of his face when he closed my door. It was deeply melancholic. He had the blend of gray lugubriousness and crimson anger. And with his reaction, I was instantly furious with myself. I could still remember the first time we met personally, when we saw each other at the hospital. Nate lit up my world. He showed me that there’s hope in every painful situation, and at that moment, I held on what he taught me. I believed that somehow I could still make his heart fall once more for me. His last painful words struck my heart to its roots. It was the most unexpected answer in the world. I could not believe he was letting me go.

                The next morning was even more lamentable. I was far too exhausted. There are no words to express the load I had. I missed the normal, happy Nate. I was all right. I lasted for long months in his home, and I knew that Nate gave me great help. He was right. He was right to let me go.

                I strolled to the shower, for the first time I was supporting my weight. I did not know why Liz had agreed, on Nate taking me in his home, but whatever the general purport of the agreement was, I had no choice. I had to agree. I took a long, soothing last bath at the lavatory I came to know as mine for months. I wore my blue polka dot farewell dress. I stared at the walls, the frames, the Alcove Beach view. I wanted to swim through and sift the sand, but I know that after the Yin Yang, there’d be nothing I could do to save myself from losing Nate.

                My face was pallid. My heart was screaming and my soul was burning with searing pain. I was alone in the room, yet I was imagining Nate’s company. I was feeling so alone. I had no choice but to leave. I only heard nothing but the sound of the waves and the peaceful Alcove beach. I envied its peacefulness, its tranquility, its unagitated whisper despite the raging waves. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay for his sake, for my sake, but I knew it was the end. I never regretted getting to know Kevin anyway. I knew that since the start, Kevin was just a part of my dreams, my semblance and my unraveled mystery.

                I sat over the folded sheets cloaked on the water bed, contemplating over the happenings. I was unconscious of my swollen eyes and the tears that were continuously flowing. I was crying since last night. I was like a firefly flushed with water from within. I was like a bird submerged unto the waters. I felt devastated. I wanted to tell Nate how much I valued him and his feelings, but I was so weak. I had no other face to show. In a few minutes, I heard a knock on my door. I looked up and I was expecting for Nate. I expected him to be the one to tell me that going home would not be the solution to our endeavor. I prepared my words, I wiped my face. I tried to suppress a smile.

                “Nate?” I said, as loud as I could, with all my remaining strength.

                “This is Linda.” A womanly voice replied. I gave off a loud sigh.

                “Come in Linda.” I answered back. I wanted to cry harder at the moment. Nate did not even want to see me. I felt disgusted with myself. Linda came in with an over-sized bag.

                “Hi Coe, how are you feeling? And what happened to…” Linda kept quiet after I turned my back on her.

                “Linda, you could drop my things there. Then you may leave.” I remarked. I felt more pain. I didn’t know how to face Nate. I had no idea. I didn’t know if I was to see him again.

                “Coe…” Linda called my name as if he wanted to say something. But she retreated. “Okay Coe. Just press the buttons in you need me… or Nate.” As I heard Nate’s name from Linda, I couldn’t stop my sobs. I turned to face her and stood up with all my might. She was bewildered at how much I have developed my kinesics under  Nate’s care. I launched myself at Linda, and I felt a motherly comfort. She took me in her arms and lat me cry.

                “I love him so much, Linda.” I admitted.

                “I know Coe, since the start I knew how much he loves you too.” Linda cupped my cheeks and wiped them. “He told me to make your first dinner special. He told me before you came in his life that he was not staying home, but for you, Nate did. I know how much this hurts him, but he has to… for Kevin.” Linda sadly and reluctantly replied.

                “You know… You know something Linda.” I said, my tone was undeniably accusing her.

                “I do know something, but Coe, I am not in the position to answer your questions. Besides, what I know is not much as what you know. There is only but one who knows, Coe. Nate.”

                Another knock was heard by Linda and I.

                “Coe? It’s me. Nate. I am very sorry, will you please open the door? I… I have something to tell you.”

                It was Nate at my door.

-End of "The Sorrows"-

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