AVALON

Chapter 65 - Bullmilker

Mega short because I just thought bugger it, I'll post this and start on the next half of the chapter tomorrow. I love this pict it reminded me of Noah  and Av straight away when I saw it (thanks was it Mel?)

(Noah POV)

The beep of my phone sounds, and I jump at the tone. I hadn't noticed the CD had finished. Before buying the CD's I generally worked in silence, now I'm unfamiliar with it. I don't like my sense of hearing compromised by anything, I want to know if someone is approaching. But lately, I just want to listen to music.

Reaching behind me I let my fingers scrabble for the phone, finally my greasy fingers sliding over the rubber on the second alert.  It's probably Jarrod, he's been trying to 'connect' with me again after our 'altercation' in front of D's house.

Jarrod's been a constant in my life since... my... and I'm kind of shocked at the loss I've felt from his company. I was sure I didn't need anyone. Yet, I sometimes wondered over the last day or two... did I?

Which doesn't sit well with me. At all. My father would say I'm not strong enough, not cold enough. Get myself into that place.

One thought of Jarrod saying that stuff about Av sends me diving into a dark and foul mood. Mainly, and I realise this and accept it fully, it's mainly because of what I did to her. Because I replay over and over again the moment her face flashed with hurt. 

And then I can't help myself, I get cold and distant, a heavy rain cloud enveloping me as fight with my father's words ringing in my head. Part of me fights the other. One part has seen that he was right, I see it all the time, the way girls are. The way they use their 'girlness' over guys. That he speaks the truth... but then the other part just says I choose to only see those things. Things that make it easy to keep myself the way Dad wanted. To keep myself from feeling.

Yet I did feel, I felt like shit when I discovered it wasn't true. Felt like shit when I realised what I'd done to her. And then the whole bloody vicious circle of my attitude's demise starts. Love is hate. Life is death.  Some how I've always equated feeling with living. To feel is a slow death.

And thats the crux, I feel so different when I'm thinking of Av, of planning these things for her, thinking of her face. And then I realise I'm feeling something and then I feel guilty. A betrayer to my Father who had wanted to warn me.

I can't win. I feel like just packing my car up and just driving away to somewhere... anywhere. Just somewhere where I don't feel. But I've tried that, it follows me no matter where I go. There's no running from myself.

The coldness creeps up on me and I feel my mood darken even further at the futile aura. If I was out from under this car I'd kick something or smash something against the wall. My hand squeezes around my phone and I remember why I have it in my hand.

Avalon.

Suddenly my cold heart beats.

Just sipping on a banana moove ;) whilst teaching Ag (lol) and just had to say I can't wait to see your face on Sunday!

And boom! That rain cloud is obliterated. Sun drenches my torso and I feel the warmth rushing around my veins. A grin breaks out on my face as I read that last bit again. She can't wait to see me. I feel like fricken happy dancing.

I'm pretty sure we will be milking a cow or something, which doesn't bother me, I've had a go before when I was small... with my Mum.

It's actually one of my favourite memories.. was... until I applied my Dad's words over the top of it. Tarnishing her smile and touch. The vivid colours of her dress and the ribbons in her hair. THe way she held her soft hands over mine, giggling as she spurted us with milk.

 Shoving my parents out of my head I read the message again and type.

You'll be shocked at my skill with milking. I can't wait to see your face when I out milk you :p

I won't be able to of course, but I like revving her up.

Umm, hate to break it ya but we aren't milking... muhahahaa. 

Oh shit. But after a seconds thought, I don't care what we do. I just like being around the terror. I wonder what she's up to later, I'm dying to see her.

Teasing her would probably be the best approach to keep her talking, it's worked so far.

I'll just wear no shirt to distract you 

I loved it when I used to catch her looking at me, she isn't like the other girls that lick their lips and make their desires plain on their face, or their hands creep up to touch my skin. Av is more an appreciator, the way she looks at me makes me glad I've put all that hard work into my body. She makes me feel bigger and stronger than I am. I will never forget when she launched herself of Amber in the club house nad just hugged me. I can honestly say I had never felt so good, so content... happy.

Beep.

For that comment I might just make you show me your rad milking skills... on a bull ;)

Bloody ratbag, she makes me forget my crap mood. God, I want to be right next to her now, doing whatever crazy scheme has grabbed her wild attention.

I don't even know how to answer that one. I may as well ask what I'm desperate to know.

What are you up to later?(N) 

I'm going to go to dance practise at the VAH and then I'm going to incite a lot of ladies to throw off their bras in a fit of fear shedding (A)

Fear shedding? From a bra? Av thinks very differently to me and most people I know. Who would link fear shedding (whatever that means) with bras? Not me.

What a visual! Good luck with that but I know you will get them to do it. Is this one of your scenarioes? (N)

Nope... this is for me just as much as them (A)

I don't understand it. But ... Av has fears? That's interesting. I wonder if it has to do with guys, the way her face chagned at Maccas that time. It didn't scare me or anything, in fact it made me feel all the more that she could be in my life. Accept my demons. But something took over her then, something that she seemed to lose control of... I wonder if the little terror has a lot more to hide than I thought. Better lighten it up.

Does that mean you are taking your bra off too lol? Where and when is this event? (n)

I can imagine her squirming right now... or rolling her eyes. 

Hello God, just checking if you made one guy out there WITHOUT a sex octopus?? Gott go put a ring on it, bullmilker ;)

Sex octopus? What the hell?

Bullmilker, I shake my head, if we aren't milking then what the hell are we doing? Hopefully it's something fun like feeding calves or something then. I like calves.

Have fun, Thornie.

I have to tell myself not to write it's killing me not seeing you, or I miss you. Come and annoy me, ride your horse up on my car, tattoo me, knife me, lasso me, drag me into a den of lions dressed as wildebeast... anything. Hold on there, YES! I just worked how to do number 4!! And I know just the song to do it too!

A/N - I hope veryone that loves NOah votes on this one lol