AVALON

Chapter 67 - My Fear

Dedicated to brunettexo for the awesome trailer!

A/N - grrr couldn't finish it for the wattys but no matter :) There will probably be discrepencies in the book about this, I hadn' t really delved into what happened so i will change some of the back story in the previous chapters later on.

Avalon pov

Hell, how do I explain this whole mess when I'm only beginning to realise it myself? Realizing just how many areas of my life this fear has trickled into and corrupted.

"Before I tell the whole saga of how Cayden became one of the boulders thrown into my 'life lake' that produced waves and ripples of insecurities and fear, I just want to tell you a little about my family and our upbringing."

I move into a better position, I notice Seth and Sam staring at me intensely and that D giving a warm, encouraging smile. I send her a wink because for some reason my mouth can't work itself into a smile. I look up the cloudless dark blue sky. Beyond the light of the bonfire the beach is now dark, the only other bits of light up to top are from the soft glow from house lights and the occasional car. The waves crash on to the beach masking the sound of my deep breath.

Nan would just say, 'spit it out kid, you'll feel better with all that poison out of your system.' 

"We had a pretty unrestricted upbringing, in fact if we were home at a certain time, it was all good. The only real impediments put on us, was and is still safety. The Flying Doc Service rams that in to us, that rural accidents are one of the highest cause of fatalities around, so our family was and is very strict on certain things. But that's about it, Dad wouldn't blink an eyelid if he came outside and saw us having emu races or with nursing a baby joey. Baby crocs though, they weren't permissible," I wink at Seth.

"As we grew older we had more responsibility, more work, but that's fine because we all love our work. We still could get up to whatever as long as the work was done."

I notice I talk about growing up as if my life was devoid of my Mother, I think it's better left alone right now, blacked out. All stuffed in one of those mental lock boxes.

"Our family is very protective of each other, we trust each other is some ways more than I've witnessed families do here. Some of that comes from going through the things we do together, like floods, fires, storms and droughts. Some of it is from us working in situations that are pretty damn hairy at times, and we put ourselves there because we know that someone has our back, that anyone who we consider family, and that's not just blood relations, would risk their life to save ours and vice versa."

Closing my eyes, I let the picture of everyone I consider family focus in front of my eyes, the image pulls up the corners of my mouth. There's new additions.

"Another thing that is a bit different from here, is that when something needs doing, we do it. We don't have to go through channels to get it done, or put on a waiting list. We don't ask for permission, if it's broken we fix it because it we don't there is a huge risk associated with leaving it. Same as reprimanding or training workers, if someone needs pulling into line, we have to jump on it because we have to trust that everyone will act accordingly, that our livestock are there primary concern."

Seth seems to be deep in thought, Sam nods as if he understands where I'm coming from. I doubt it but still, it's good to know they are trying to understand.

"I should also say that we don't get out much. We go to shows, sales, some community things so there isn't many opportunities for us to meet other people. Because we are family owned and run, my brothers haven't had the chance to go to a school like the kids do here, we did what we could over the internet and before that the radio. The station can't afford to lose us as workers, so none of us even entertained the thought of school, because we couldn't go if we wanted. Some of us don't even entertain the idea of meeting someone, but that's something I'll bring up further in the story,"