AVALON

Chapter 66 - Fear

A/N - this chapter is kind of a slow one, a thoughtful one for Av... sorry

"Are you okay Av?"

 I look up at D as we place the sticks on the pile like a teepee. "Yeah, I've actually had a great day. Why?"

D holds my face between her hands and gives me a critical look over, tilting my head this way and that, exactly how I imagine her mother would. "Have you been sleeping, Avalon Smith?"

I want to pull away and sigh, I've got Harry on my back about it, Flea as well now and I don't want to hurt D's feelings by snapping. She is looking at me with concern in her big brown, bambi eyes. Nathan, the worst person for this stuff, thankfully is still ten days away. He would force me into an induced coma if he thought it would help. I should be able to catch up by then, when I know that Outlaw won't need me during the night... but now I'm too on edge to sleep. What if something happens during the night? In my experience, if they are going to have trouble, it's going to be during the night. Plus Outlaw smells different to Amber... and he doesn't snuggle like her or Frank. I'm glad Alby and Mangles stay with us.

I'm not sure what I look like, I haven't looked in the mirror for a couple of days. I'll just smear some dirt on my face if it gets too bad. And that's my make up folks.

I hope my shrug gives off the aura I have been. I won't lie... outright.

Her face tells me the shrug didn't convince her.

"Av, you have to sleep, who knows what you'll do when you're sleep deprived," she smiles hugging me to her humming a lullabyish song, like I'm going to drift off right there and then. D is nice and soft like scented pillow, my eyes closing on their own accord. But I don't have time for anything but a two minute nanna nap. I like my body, I need it strong, but if I was a boy I would like a nice soft girl girl, with all huggy curves and sweet smells.

"I would probably just sleep," I widen my eyes at her as I pull away. Zoey had to travel back to her parents house for two weeks as her mother broke her leg and they really needed her help, so D is here on her lonesome. D has exams starting the end of next week, apparently I do too, so it would have been boring for Zoey anyway. And to make it all the easier, Zoey's Dad mentioned that Jesse had gone off overseas, probably to work with Chad. She was ready to do some scenery stuff for some clothes her and D are working on. 

"I heard what you did today Av," she rolls her eyes. "Not that he didn't need someone giving him a slight taste of his own medicine. In the bad medicine giving regards he's worse than Amanda and Seth put together. He's really mean but..."

I hold my hand up. Seth already had a freakout to me about it after Ag. I did it. It was good, I needed it because I realised straight up animals are more important than people I haven't met. I accept it, whatever anyone else thinks is right or wrong. Animals first. That's how I've been raised, I just can't miraculously change it... nor do I want to. It's me. I don't care if other people percieve me as a monster,  because it's not always the people that need worrying about. I'm sure the animals are glad I'm on their side. Nan always said that sometime the things that don't have a big voice need the biggest allies, the biggest hearts.

Anyway, I don't want D to worry about it.

"I would love to say part of it was because I'm a 'tad' tired, but truthfully," I bend down and throw more sticks on the pile. "I did it because I was thinking about Outlaw and what I'd like to do to the person that treated him like shit. I channelled the anger, probably bad in most people's view but it's the truth and can't change it. I mean, you said people cut bits of your hair off right? And you're nice, nothing will happen about it. It's hair, he'll get over it."