Skinny • Book 1 In The Reality Series

Calum

“I have no idea. Apparently the kid’s not eating. Yes I’m feeding him! I’m a shit parent? What the hell does that make you?”

Forcing my eyes open I found myself staring up at a pale blue ceiling. Lowering my gaze I looked around the empty white room. The smell of disinfectant, latex gloves and soap instantly made it blatantly obvious that I had not died and gone to Heaven, but indeed up in the hospital.

Looking down I found a flimsy green hospital gown covering my body. Multiple wires were sticking out of my arm while a heart monitor was clipped to my finger, filling the room with an even, steady beeping.

“He works out Colleen how the hell was I supposed to know he wasn’t eating?”

Startled by the sound of my Mom’s name, I looked to the door to the room which was just barely closed allowing the conversation happening on the other side to get through.

“You know what I’m not listening to this! Maybe if you stepped up and acted like a Mother you’d be able to give your two cents but we all know that’s never going to happen…..Just….Just stop talking. I thought I should let you know what happened. Yeah okay. Bye.”

Licking my lips nervously I watched the door carefully wondering if my Mom was coming. Half of me strongly believed that she would, I was her kid after all, she had divorced my Dad not me, however half of me knew the truth. She was busy. She had a new husband and new kids, a new house, a new life didn’t involve us.

Suddenly the door swung open and my Dad strode in. Not noticing that I was awake, he ran his fingertips through his hair, his eyes glued to his phone as he sat down on a large chair in the corner.

“Dad?” I questioned tentatively.

Startled, his head shot up in my direction, his features flooded with relief for only a split second before the lines of anger which seemed to permanently grace his face returned.

“What the hell Calum?” he demanded rising to his feet and crossing over to the bed so he was towering over me.

Unsure of what to say I looked down.

“I honestly don’t even know where to began.” He said stiffly, “I mean, not eating? That’s just stupid Calum. That’s like….. That’s not normal.”

“Dad.” I mumbled.

“That’s like some psycho shit!” he carried on, “I mean I know your Mom and I’s divorce was hard on you but never did I think you’d turn into such a … a basket case!”

“Thanks.” I spat.

“Why?” he demanded, “Is it for attention?”

“No!” I cried.

“Is it because you think it’s cool?”

“No!” I shouted.

“Is it to impress some girl?”

“Dad, no!” I cried.

“Then why the hell would you do that?” he shouted, “You’ve completely blown your chance at getting into a good school, they don’t want some rail thin little psycho!”

“Can you stop?” I whispered.

“No, I can’t!” he spat, “There are people starving in the world who would give anything for just one of the meals I provide for you a day, and here you are doing it on purpose for no reason!”

“It’s not for no reason!”

“Then what’s the reason?”

“I…I don’t….”

“No, you said there’s a reason, let’s hear it Calum.”

“I want to… wanted to….”

“Spit it out Calum!”

“I wanted to be thin!”

“That’s…. that’s stupid.”

“I hate the way I look!” I continued, “I hate….. never being enough for you! I hate never having any control, over anything! I hate… being fat. I was a fat kid and you… you let me know it. You used to clal me fat ass and dough ball and chunky…”

“Calum.”

“I hated it! I fucking hated it! I just wanted to look in the mirror and like what I saw. I wanted to be able to take my shirt off at practice and not have my gut jiggle! I didn’t want to wear rash guards to pool parties to hide boobs that were bigger then Anna’s! I did it for you!”

“What?” my Dad whispered.

“I did it for you!” I choked out, blinking rapidly to keep from crying, “I wanted to make you proud  for on….”

“Well you failed that.” He interrupted, “I’m not proud. At all. I’m disappointed. And ashamed, and disgusted. This embarrassing Calum! I have friends, people from work calling me saying they heard you collapsed at the game and are in the hospital and I have to tell them you’re a mental case who starves himself!”

“You don’t get it.” I spat, “It’s not something I want to do, I….It’s like I have to.”

“Well don’t!”

“I Don’t you think I would if I could!”

“Well what the hell do you want me to do about?”

“I don’t know.” I whispered, “I…I don’t know. It’s….it’s in my head. I don’t know how to fix it.”

“I’m getting you a shrink.” He grumbled, “And you’re going. Got it?”

Wincing, I looked down at my lap and nodded slowly.

Running his fingertips through his hair, my Dad sighed, “I’m going to go talk to the doctor about it.”

“Okay.” I mumbled.

Hesitating for a moment, he took a tentative step towards me before leaning down and hugging me lightly and awkwardly.

“I’m sorry.” I sniffed, my body warming from the chest out from the rarity of the pleasant gesture.

“Yeah I know.” He sighed, pulling away.

Pulling his phone back out of his pocket, he walked out of the room, leaving me alone.