Can't Stop Wanting You. (EDITED)

Chapter 28- Court.

Clara's POV (March 5th)

This past 2 weeks have been near on impossible for me. I feel done with everything. I'm trying to keep my head up and remember my promotion and how this is what I've wanted for my whole career.

One problem, it's not what I want anymore.

I want the man of my dreams still. I want the cosy routined life, coming home to kids running around and cooking dinner with Tom, and the bedtime routines and even waking up in the night when they need someone. I miss being a part of that family, even if sometimes it didn't feel that way, it was a hell of a lot better than the loneliness I feel now.

I've been feeling sick so much. Everytime I think about everything, I just feel sick. I've lost a lot of weight as well because anything I put into my body, just comes straight back up with the stress I feel under.

I do wonder why I'm putting myself through a break up right now, on top of everything else. There's court today, this promotion, finding someone to move in with Lacey for a year, finding a new place to live for each country that is likely to be on the list, sorting out all of my expenses for work, worrying about when I'll find time in this year to visit my family and then there's the sadness of leaving my little family. But I know I have to do this now, give us the space and time we need and see how we feel after the year is up, this is just the hard bit.

We were only together a few short months, but in that time we depended on each other and I started to revolve my life around the kids and his scheduals and what times would the kids need to be in bed before I agree to anything, or if me and Tom had plans for anything before hand...

It all just began to revolve around family life. And I actually liked it, it was comfortable, but also passionate. That's what I always felt was missing before, that passion and motivation and the feeling of real love everyday...

Again a wash of sadness falls over me.

This is what I'm giving up, not just the way he makes me feel but also those two adorable kids, which yeah can be a handful some days, but I wouldn't have them any other way. I wonder what Tommie said to them, because I've gone from being there pretty much everyday and night, to suddenly not at all. The kids must have asked a million questions by now.

Clara's tried questioning me to death on what's wrong with me. And now I'm going round there again to be in the line up for another round of questions, before I go to the court hearing today.

I knock and Jax opens the door, "hi" he says before giving me a quick hug before disappearing. Scott comes round as I walk into the living room. "Hey Scott" I say with a small smile.

"Oh god, you've lost so much weight Lil... what's happened?" Scott says with shock written clearly across his face. I guess the 2 weeks worth of sickness are taking their toll.

"Yeah, been feeling rough the last couple weeks. That's why I stayed away from here, I didn't want to pass on anything to the babies... Just been stressful, you know" I say with a shrug. 

"Clara can you put some food on for Lily please, she looks like skin and bones!" Scott calls out to her. "What was that sorry?" She calls back as she walks back in, stopping suddenly when she sees me.

"What happened Lilz?" Clara asks with the same shocked expression. I guess it might be a little more than some weight that I've lost. I have lost a stone in weight in two weeks, purely because I can barely keep anything in me. I wasn't big to begin with so it is obvious.

"Yeah, I've had a stressful 2 weeks and it's been hitting harder than I thought. It's okay though, I'm dealing with it. I have got a bad headache though, have you got any painkillers please?" I say and Clara runs off to get some for me.