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"Alright, guys, today I want to talk to you about regrets." Will walks into the choir room with a frown on his face and it's clear that he's upset. "Who has some?"
Rachel looks up from where her head is resting on the top of the piano. "Giving my heart to Jessie, just to have it crushed like the stage floor at a performance of Stomp."
"Thinking 'trust me' was a sensible birth control option," Quinn adds.
Will nods. "We all have them. I just finalized my divorce. I regret living in a relationship that wasn't working. Letting her put me in these deep funks and not fighting back."
Santana rolls her eyes. "Besides creeping us out, why are you telling us this?"
"Because if we lose to Vocal Adrenaline at Regionals, none of us are going to regret it. We will have given it our best shot and we won't look back. But we will regret letting them get the best of us before the competition. Which is why we need to hit them back just like they hit us."
"So you want us to TP their choir room?" Quinn asks, folding her arms over her stomach.
He shakes his head. "Whatever the better, cooler version of that is. Like, uh, maybe- maybe we should steal their school statue."
"Their school statue is a giant bronze of a great white shark eating a seal pup," Kurt tells him. "It weighs three tons."
"Okay, how about this one. Alright, we get like-"
Everyone ignores Will, including Camila who adjusts Santana's legs that are draped over her lap. The teacher continues to tell his students his plans, but everyone shoots them down, not in the mood to play silly games when they're about to lose Regionals.
When Will sees the downcast look on his students' faces, he sighs and crosses his arms over his chest.
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The following day, when Will bounds into the room with a smile on his face, he's in a much better mood. He pulls out a marker and writes the word funk on it in capital letters before underlining it.
"Funk." He announces. "Use it in a sentence." No one says anything and the man walks towards his students. "Come on. Rachel."
She rolls her eyes. "This cheese smells funky."
"That's because it's 'from-unda' cheese." Puck jokes with a smirk.
"Shut it, Puckerman!"
Will intervenes quickly. "Okay, okay. I was thinking more along the lines of 'Vocal Adrenaline has sure put us all in a funk'."
"I'm so depressed, I've worn the same outfit twice this week." Kurt mumbles.
"What if I told you I knew how we could shove it right back down their throats? New Directions is about to make their funk the P-Funk."
Camila sighs. "No offense, Mr. Schue, but uh- that doesn't make sense."
"We are going to get funked up." He adds, raising an eyebrow at the Cheerio. "The only way to do that is to beat them at Regionals. Vocal Adrenaline has never once done a funk number. They're a machine, a collective, synthesized, soulless beat. Funk is soul meets anger. Its passion is in its emotion and Vocal Adrenaline doesn't perform with any. So you have your assignment. I want you guys to turn McKinley High into-" He sings the rest of his sentence. "-funky town."
Mercedes laughs. "You guys can relax, I got this one covered."
"Cool."
"Hold on a second." Quinn shakes her head. "I- I want a chance to get funky, too."
The room erupts in laughter and Mercedes nods. "Good one, Quinn. It even sounds funny when you say it."
"You said funk was about soul and anger. I have plenty of both. Look at me. Look at my life. I'm furious!" She throws her hands up.
"Let's be honest. When white people try to be funky, you end up with KC and the Sunshine Band."
Artie laughs. "I love 'Boogie Shoes'."
Quinn rolls her eyes. "Mercedes' racism aside, I will have something prepared tomorrow."
Will claps his hands together. "Alright, Quinn goes first."
The bell rings and everyone gets up from their seats so they can head out of the choir room. Camila and Santana link pinkies and head down the hallway.
"You know, I still don't really get this assignment," Camila tells her, glancing over at the girl. "How is our understanding of 'funk' going to help us beat Vocal Adrenaline?"
Santana shrugs. "Vocal Adrenaline has never done a funk number so if we can pull one off, it'll prove that we're better."
Camila nods. "Okay, yeah, that makes sense. We've just got to do one. Easy peasy."
