A genius or an idiot?

1

I always had a 'luck' and has always had 'talent' and I couldn't never 'understand' the problems of other
Well... at least that's what I heard all my life from other
Is it true? No ok maybe just a little bit
The only talent I always had was that I'm a fast learner
But am I a genius for always having 95~100% on my exam at school if I was studying like a monster
That I always studied at the point to faint after just a normal exam? That I was always so stressed and anxious about just losing 1%. I had always the feeling that my world was ending when I was receiving a 79%. I could literally be sick for a whole month. I would throw up each time my grades didn't satisfy me and if I couldn't have a good grade I knew I would have to be compared to my sibling by my mother...
This constant feeling of having to continually do the max just to keep up. The feeling that if you just relax one time all your efforts will collapse...

And after people were just gonna say
"OMG you're just so lucky and smart! It's nothing having 90% you're just being overly dramatic! Can't you give me your intelligence? You're just being lucky and you won't ever understand my problems!, You don't even have to try!, it's always so easy for you but when I study it don't change a thing! You sure you don't give money to school to have such good grades. I'm sure he cheats. It's impossible to have grades like that. Get friends it's not that difficult! Why are you always so stressed, chill! Relax! You just have an easy life and you were born with everything you wanted! You can't relate! You don't even deserve any praise you don't make any efforts"
When just after they were gonna joke with their friends about how they didn't even studied and not failed
Is it really what you can call luck?

The worst is that I always stressed me about being the best for all
Music: piano, violin, flute, drum...
Intelligence: math, literacy, others languages, science, medecine, eloquence...
Art: drawing, cooking, painting, ...

Well even if I tried all that... I wasn't good for all
I liked music
piano, violin and guitar were my favorites and it was were I was the best
In math I was good, literacy... I was mediocre, other language it depended of the languages, science it depended on what I was learning, medecine... I'm good to know how the human body works but...the best I can do is giving a bandage, and eloquence... I couldn't even explain my idea!
I liked art to! Like drawing with a pencil and I was really good at painting... I even won some competitions, cooking... even when I tried to take multiple classes I just couldn't even make one meal that was good...

I was being called a genius in school, in piano, in painting and it's true that I was unusually good for my age but...
The hours of practices made me regret it. All the hours lost to trained. I couldn't even appreciate what I was doing anymore... All I did was a competition for being the best. I always had really bad problem for being 'perfect' I was training and training. It was always intense
I could start having nosebleed from overworking or feeling really bad but continuing what I was doing
The number of painting that I demolished, destroyed,
The number of sleepless night I passed to study for things that were not even asked
The number of time I restart a song because I missed one note

All that because of my stress for being the best
That nobody would like me if I couldn't make it
The feeling of me never being enough
That people would always be better than me at anything
That if I couldn't make this or that, I was worthless

I know that I gained this complex because of my family
My mother was a extremely famous and talented singer, she was an actress and she was a pianist that was famous in the music industry
She pressured me a lot. For being the best, to do things perfectly and easily
My father was always trying to cheer me up and tell me "you don't have to try so much, if you're talentless it can't be helped and you will always be my son" I know it was suppose to cheer me up but it always made me feel so much worse
So I just continued trying and trying
My father was a famous businessman and he was a model for a famous company
My siblings were not really different from my parents: always the best at always, there had already won famous competition at my age when I didn't even was invited for competition...
I always had a real problem with being accept in this family

But I was really just so tired of all of this! I tried to be selfish for once and leave this prison I made myself around my mind

I'm gonna take the first step! I will left my house to live in my own home!

... And that's me seven years ago when I bought my own home, and started going see a psy...
It really helped, I was able to be more selfish
I still have the 'being the best' complex but I don't need anymore the acceptation of my family and I left my house to live my own life! I'm not completely healed but it's better

...

As I was driving back to my home, suddenly my vision turned black
(3rd point of view )
The man in the car suddenly faint due to a vagal shock. The car got out of control and had an accident
Car accident at 16h46: one death...

It was as if I awaken at the moment of the shock because I understood from the pain coming from all part of my body: I was dying

...(1st point of view)
Where am I? I can't see anything. I can't feel anything. I don't even feel my body. As if I was just a being of energy. The only thing I can do right now is thinking. It's not really what I expect for the after death
Wait!? Don't tell me I'm just gonna be like that for the rest of the eternity!? I- I don't want to!! Not having anything to do.. for the eternity it sound worse than hell! I don't want to think I just want to sleep for the eternity...
And... why is it when I finally started to feel better about my life that I die?? For one times in my life I was enjoying what we call life! Am I really going to be in this state for the rest of the eternity?

Suddenly, I felt like I was being sucked and I rapidly couldn't think anymore...

What? Weird... I feel my body now!! Does-does that mean... I returned to my body!!?? I opened my eyes but the light blinded me
I let out a groaned
"M-master!!?? Your'e awake!? How are you feeling? Are you dizzy? Ah- um sorry... I talk to much"
Master? Who is this women calling master? Am I not back in my body?
I tried opening my eyes for a second time
This time I succeed, I slowly opened my eyes and I saw a blue royal paint ceiling. I turned around and saw a pretty women in maid clothes.
I turned around and I saw that there was nobody in this room aside me and the maid
Who was she calling master then?
I asked the maid water and she quickly gave me a cup of water
She heard me and did what I asked... am I the master? But why? What is this situation?
I drank and after finishing the cup I sit and I felt pain all over my body.
"ogh-" it was really hurting
"Master... are you ok? You don't seem ok-" she quickly covered her mouth and sweated nervously
"what are you doing?" She seemed surprised
"I-I'm really sorry master. I didn't want to be disrespectful"
"Why are you sorry? You did nothing disrespectful." She seemed really surprised
"I-is it a test? I'm really sorry for what I said. So please don't fire me please!"
"No no it's ok but..." the maid was doing a really surprised face
"Where am I? Who are you? What's happening?" I asked her worried of what she was gonna respond
"Uh- Master... don't you...remember a thing?" Worry was all I could see on her face
"Well, I never saw you and I don't understand why you are calling me master, where am I?" I didn't want to say that the only thing I remembered was that I died in a car accident because she would just take me for an insane person and I was sure of something: I died
"Oh- well! I can try to explain you some things but what am I gonna say to the grand master!?" She was really nervous

(Little bubble) the picture is not mine and I found it on Pinterest
It's how the mc looks and the account I found the picture on is: @mint1230_v  (uyumint)