Together Or Apart

20. I Didn't Know

"Morning." Harry says to me as he walks into the kitchen. He is dressed in his nike shorts, a plain black tee and has a headband on his head. His usual running attire. 

"Hi." I reply in a hushed tone and spin around to stir the oats which are boiling on the stove. There is more tension boiling between Harry and I, than the oats inside this pot. This feels like deja vu. We seem to wake up in the mornings on minimal speaking terms, than on good terms. 

Harry walks over to the side of the island where I am standing. I don't turn to look at him, but I can feel his eyes on me. I fight the urge to quickly glance over my shoulder. A heavy sigh escapes his lips before I hear him opening the drawers and shuffling through the cutlery for something. 

After a minute of the sound of his hands ruffling through the metal utensils, I turn around to see what he is looking for. A small laugh escapes his lips and he immediately stops looking through the top drawer. 

"I knew that would get your attention. You only pay attention to me if I'm doing something that bothers you." 

"I'm not even going to comment Harry because I'm tired of fighting with you."

"You are so sensitive now. I can't even joke with you anymore."

"That's because every conversation turns into an argument." I say with a raised voice. After realising how snappy I sounded, I lower my head and apologise. "Sorry. But that is exactly my point." 

Changing the topic, Harry instead speaks of some good news. "The studio is still booked out in my name today. If you want to go in, it's yours."

I am about to immediately decline his invitation, until a small piece of my heart makes me think otherwise. "You know, I will actually. You're good with the girls?" I ask, deciding that I need to take on board what he said to me and start letting him have more control over our daughters. In the heat of the moment, I was mad. But I have had a day to cool down and really think about the things that Harry was saying to me. 

He is right, I do take control of the girls. In my defence, it was because he wasn't around as much and I fell into the position of their primary carer. However, I need to see things from his point of view and let go of the reigns. Slightly. 

He has proven himself capable of taking care of them on his own. So if that means letting him have quality time with them while I head to the studio, then so be it. I already feel guilty for leaving them, but I need to take the opportunity of having time to myself. 

I have been jotting down some lyrics in my journal. There's only a few little lines here or there and will probably never turn into anything. But in the past, the songs that I thought were only stupid little thoughts, evolved into something great. 

"London was watching Aladdin yesterday and thought Zayn was in the movie."

Harry laughs but also holds a confused expression on his face. "What?" 

"She thought the guy who plays Aladdin was Zayn."

"To be fair, he could have played Aladdin. I mean, he did sing A Whole New World."

I nod my head. "Yeah, he would have played the part really well. Could have followed in your footsteps in the world of acting."

"Nobody is as talented as me." He says sarcastically, but the thing is, he's right. 

"No, nobody even comes close."

*

I spent 5 hours in the studio. It felt like 2 hours. Time always flies while in the studio. Honestly, I've never left the studio feeling so refreshed. I had been holding in so many of my emotions. I thought exercising in the gym and doing boxing would help alleviate some of my stress, but fitness doesn't speak to my soul. Music does.