Together Or Apart

50. Auditions

I feel myself dozing off on the lounge. I rub my weary eyes and check my phone. 1:23am. Harry should have been home by now. I know he goes out each night, but he hasn't been out this long in months. I unlock my phone and dial his number. When the phone rings out, I call him again. 

The alarm near the front door makes a quiet sound, signalling that someone is there. This sound is followed by twisting of the doorknob and loud footsteps stumbling through the door. "You don't need to call me because honey, I'm home." Harry calls through the house. 

"Shh baby, it's alright." I gently caress Sydney's cheek as she grew restless in her sleep from Harry's loud voice. I slowly rock her back to sleep and place a pillow beside her on the lounge so that she doesn't roll off. Then I stand up and walk over to the front door where Harry is struggling to take his boots off. 

When I reach him, he rests his hand on my shoulder for support and kicks off his left boot. "Ah, thanks for that. It was being stubborn." He then kicks both of his shoes into the corner. "Hey, my boots have something in common with you."

Ignoring his banter, I place my hands on my hips and stare up at his bloodshot eyes. "How much have you had to drink?"

He holds his finger directly in front of my face and moves it side to side. "Na-ah, you don't get to ask me those questions anymore. Remember? I'm home now so you can leave."

I let out an exaggerated sigh. "Harry, you do this every night. I've been biting my tongue for so long but it hurts me seeing you like this."

"You don't care about me anymore. You made that perfectly clear when you ended things."

"Harry, I didn't end things because I didn't care. I'm not getting into that now. We have been doing so well with our co-parenting but these night times are so hard on me. I have to be up in four hours and make my way into the city ready for a day of auditions."

He shrugs his shoulders. "Then have a drink with me and pull an all nighter. Not worth sleeping now." He walks past me and into the kitchen. I follow him there and watch as he pulls out a drinking glass before moving over to the fridge. He pulls out a bottle of scotch and places it on the table. Before he can open it, I grab hold of the bottle. "So you decided to have a drink?"

I pull the bottle away from him and shake my head. "You don't need anymore. Harry, this isn't healthy for you."

"Oh, so you are suddenly a health guru because you go to the gym, drink protein shakes and eat broccoli?"

"It doesn't take a health guru to know that drinking every single night is bad for you. Not just physically, but mentally. You need help Harry. You aren't happy and rather than admitting that to yourself, you drown your sorrows in alcohol."

"You don't know what I'm going through."

I place the bottle of scotch back in the fridge and fill his glass with water instead. I hand it to him and surprisingly he drinks it. "You aren't the only one who went through the breakup Harry. Do you think it made me happy breaking up with you? You don't think I don't miss us? Fuck, my heart was broken into a million pieces when reality hit me that we couldn't be together anymore. But I had to remind myself of the reason why we broke up. We were toxic and that behaviour was effecting our role as parents."

Harry places the glass on the table and instead reaches for my hands. "I will change Hailey. I will stop the drinking. Just tell me what I need to do to deserve your love again." He lowers his head and rests his forehead against mine. 

"Harry, it's not that simple. You can't change for me. You need to change for you. Make decisions for you. Do what makes you happy." I remove my head from against his and wipe the tears from under his eyes. "I hate seeing you like this. This isn't you."